智慧父母

null《学来的幸福》 Learning to Be Happy 智 慧 父 母《学来的幸福》 Learning to Be Happy 智 慧 父 母---好爸爸好妈妈训练班--- Parenting Class (I)宋志颖 博士 心理医生Parenting ---A New Learning Experiment, Experience, Parenting ---A New Learning Experiment, Experience, 知己知彼，百战百胜！ Being a child and Growing up ---Learning to Be a Personnullnulllearn·ing     1.knowledge acquired by systematic study in any field of scholarly application. 2.the act or process of acquiring knowledge or skill. 3.Psychology. the modification of behavior through practice, training, or experience -It may refer to knowledge obtained by systematic study or by trial and error. nulllearn·ing. –verb (used with object) 1.to acquire knowledge of or skill in by study, instruction, or experience: to learn French; to learn to ski. 2.to become informed of or acquainted with; ascertain: to learn the truth. 3.to memorize: He learned the poem so he could recite it at the dinner. 4.to gain (a habit, mannerism, etc.) by experience, exposure to example, or the like; acquire: She learned patience from her father. 5.(of a device or machine, esp. a computer) to perform an analogue of human learning with artificial intelligence. 6.Nonstandard. to instruct in; teach. –verb (used without object) 7.to acquire knowledge or skill: to learn rapidly. 8.to become informed (usually fol. by of): to learn of an accident. nullWhat is the definition of parent/parenting? From physical, emotion, behavior, Purpose: Remember, the goal is not to control the child, but for him or her to learn self-control.管教孩子的目的不是“管”， 而是“教”nullBasics for a child’s good physical health: Nutritious food 营养 Adequate shelter and sleep 睡眠 Exercise 锻炼 Immunizations 免疫 Healthy living environment 健康的生活环境nullBasics for a child’s good mental health: Unconditional love from family-- Children need to know that your love does not depend on their accomplishments. 无条件的爱和关怀 Self-confidence and high self-esteem Praise Them 鼓励扬他们 Set Realistic Goals 设立事实求是的目标 Be Honest 真实 Avoid Sarcastic Remarks 不要用讽刺挖苦类的言语 nullBasics for a child’s good mental health (cont.): The opportunity to play with other children 与其他孩子一起玩耍的机会 Encouraging teachers and supportive caretakers 老师和看护着 Communicate 沟通 Celebrate accomplishments 为成就而自豪 Safe and secure surroundings 周围环境带来的安全感 Develop social skills in your child –competent and high confidence 培养孩子的社交技能和自信自强，What do you want your child to be?What do you want your child to be?Happy 幸福 Respectful 尊重 Self-reliant 自立 Healthy 健康 Confidence 自信 Cooperative 合作 Responsible 负责任Babies –birth to 18 month oldBabies –birth to 18 month oldBabies are learning to trust adults Feed and dress them Change their diapers Listen to their cries Keep them from danger Babies are learning to know and trust themselves Comfort themselves wit a thumb or blanket Get what they want by crawling and grasping Baby are learning to trust the world around them The floor is hard, stuffed animals are soft Orange food usually tastes good; green food sometimes doesn’t A warm bath feels good; a shot hurts Toddles-18 to 36 months oldToddles-18 to 36 months oldToddlers reach for independence---they know that someone will be there to keep them safe； Self-reliance---when they insist on doing everything for themselves they are learning self-reliance Ownership---when they claim all toys are “Mine”!” they are learning about ownership Safety and Fear —when they become afraid of the dark or strangers. Self-control ---when they learn to pet cat gently They are learning many things, each act of independence teachers them about being a person, Preschool-3-5 years oldPreschool-3-5 years oldCreative---they are great imagination and start to act out adventures They practice adult role---when Feed their dolls Ride their strikes as fire engines and build forts from They create fantasy world They bathtub becomes a monster’s pool A cardboard box becomes a castle They need friends---with friend they “practice” use idea, making decision, settle argument and show appreciationnull0-3mon trust, cooperation, personal power 3-6mon affect environment through movement 6-9mon aware of consequence of behavior 9-12mon more aware of consequence 1-2y beginning of self-confidence 2-3y more self confidence 3-4y more social, cooperation 4-5y able to learn, aware of time 5-6y sense of fairness, want to be independent, start to care about other’s opinion, like to make friend, help parent Your condition impact on your child ` Your condition impact on your child ` Your stress--transfer to your child’s uncertainty confusion and insecurity 家长的压力会转化成孩子的不可靠感，困惑和不安全感。 Your expectation--Child sense your expectation and often act as expected 孩子会体会到你的良好期望， 并且转化成孩子的的行动。Your languageYour language--Less “NO” -- More “YES”, 少说“不要” 多说“要如何做” YES, YOU LIKE YOUR SISTER’S TOY, BUT IT BELONGS TO HER. Let ‘s find something you can play with instead MAGIC WORDBeliefs and Behavior生活信念跟行为Beliefs and Behavior生活信念跟行为Beliefs come from experience in growing up -- positive believe—positive behavior You put children down, you child might begin to believe they are bad.你贬低孩子，他们也会觉得自己是个“坏孩子”， You say “you can do it!”, your child may begin to believe they are worthwhile.你对孩子说“你能做到”，他们就会觉得自己很有价值 You shout orders or demand changes---child believe that being the boss is the way to belong当你对者他们叫嚣者发号施令，孩子认为只有“强横指挥”才是行事之道 You give choice—child learn cooperation is the way people live together.你孩子选择的权利，孩子就学会合作才是生存之道 Early Parenting Plan ---what your child learn Early Parenting Plan ---what your child learn Giving Orders—authoritarian 权威型 -Child learn limits and responsibility孩子学会限度和责任 Giving In ---pessimistic 消极型 --without limits, child have trouble get along with others. They do as they please. They don’t care about others’ feeling or right没有限度的孩子我行我素，不考虑他人感受，会在社交与人交往上受阻 Giving Choice— democratic 民主型 --learn about equality, respect, make choice and decision making学会平等，孩子学会尊重，选择，做出重要Ask yourselfAsk yourselfWhat is my child feeling? 多想想，我孩子的感受是什麽？ What does my child seem to believe? 然后想想，我孩子心里真正在想什麽？Purpose of Child’s Misbehavior 孩子行为的目的Purpose of Child’s Misbehavior 孩子行为的目的ATTENTION 获得重视 POWER 控制力 REVENGE 报复 DISPLAYING INADEQUACY表现弱势 HOW YOU FEEL WHEN THE BEHAVIOR HAPPENS 看到孩子的不良行为，你的感受是什麽？ 2. WHAT YOU DO ABOUT THE MISBAHVIOR 你一般对这些不良行为是如何处理的？ 3. HOW YOUR CHILD RESPONDS TO WHAT YOU DO 您的孩子是如何回应你的？知己知彼，百战百胜！ ATTENTION注意力ATTENTION注意力You might feel annoyed你感到很烦恼 You will remind or coax你不断提醒孩子或哄孩子 You child may stop the misbehavior—for now. later the child repeat the act or do something else for more attention您的孩子可能暂时停止不良行为， 但后来又重复但可能又挑起其他的不良行为。知己知彼，百战百胜！ POWER控制力POWER控制力You may feel angry你感到非常生气，想发火 You may try to make the child do what you want, or you might give in; 你试者强迫孩子按你说得做，但你可能已经放弃了跟还值得抗争 If you fight, the child will fight back. If you give in, the child will stop misbehavior---having gotten what was wanted.你跟孩子抗争，孩子会跟你拼到底；你放弃了，孩子也停止他们的不良行为，因为他们达到了他们的目的。知己知彼，百战百胜！ REVENGE报复REVENGE报复You may feel hurt and angry 你可能感到受伤和非常生气 You may try to get even 你有意识想找回某种平衡 The child seeks more revenge. You have a “war” of revenge on your hands. 孩子更加想法报复，你面临“报复战争”知己知彼，百战百胜！ Display Inadequacy示弱Display Inadequacy示弱You will most likely feel giving up. You agree that the child is helpless你觉得想放弃因为你觉得孩子太可怜 You take no action because you have given up. You may tell the child you agree that the task is too hard。The child does not improve你没有采取任何行动，你告诉孩子这个任务是太难，知己知彼，百战百胜！ What to do to Misbehavior?What to do to Misbehavior?Give positive attention when your child is not expecting it.表现积极的态度 Giving positive attention when your child is behaving positive, --- NO respond to “misbehavior; 当孩子表现好的时候给与他们关注 Your child CAN’T have a battle of power or revenge if you refuse to fight or get even---child experience consequence for misbehavior；你不跟孩子干，他也就无法施展把报复或权力之争 Be encouraging, avoid criticism, focus on strength child has, don’t give up；多鼓励，少批评，强调长处，不要放弃 知己知彼，百战百胜！ GOAL OF POSITIVE BEHAVIORGOAL OF POSITIVE BEHAVIORGuide misbehavior in positive way ATTENTION ---INVOLVEMENT, be part of something, to join, to help 参与感 POWER---INDEPENDENCY, give me choice, be responsible for their own behavior 独立性 FAIRNESS,---REVENGE, to be fair, 公平心cooperative, play and share equally BEING CAPABLE---DISPLAY INADEQUCY, I need more time to do it, I need help to learn to trust myself, don’t give up 学会自理自立知己知彼，百战百胜！ Signs of good Mental Health in Children: Signs of good Mental Health in Children: Has friends and gets along with other children Can concentrate and focus attention Has relatively stable eating and sleeping patterns Shows reasonable interest and progress in school Satisfied at least some of the time with most aspects of life— family, friends, school, physical appearance Does not become anxious or angry over minor inconveniences or setbacks Fears are reasonable and not excessive Shows respect for other people Maintains a reasonable amount of energy throughout the day Has hobbies and enjoys in different activitiesWarning SignsWarning SignsDecline in school performance 学校表现下降 Poor grades despite strong efforts成绩差 Regular worry or anxiety 经常担心焦虑 Repeated refusal to go to school or take part in normal children’s activities拒绝上学 Hyperactivity or fidgeting 坐立不安 Persistent nightmares 做恶梦 Persistent disobedience or aggression经常不服从，具进攻性 Frequent temper tantrums经常大发脾气 Depression, sadness or irritability忧郁，悲伤，过敏神经质