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约会第101章

2011-08-28 9页 doc 57KB 10阅读

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约会第101章约会第101章:你的男友会欺骗你吗? 约会第101章:你的男友会欺骗你吗? 来自雅虎英文网 你不必去看你的男友衣领上的口红就可以知道他将来会不会背叛你, 简单的测试就可以发现他会不会成为一个玩弄女性的人。 当你约会时,你可以原谅他行为上不成熟的表现,但基本上都无法容忍他将来背叛你。科兹莫作了大量调查,研究可能造成男性对妻子不忠的明显的特征,其中不少发现令大家瞠目结舌。 但是在你激动之余你最好清楚:即使他有一些卑贱肮脏的想法,实际上并不代表他在欺骗你。 Gary Aumiller博士,心理学家,《危险信号:怎么知道你约会的对象是...
约会第101章
约会第101章:你的男友会欺骗你吗? 约会第101章:你的男友会欺骗你吗? 来自雅虎英文网 你不必去看你的男友衣领上的口红就可以知道他将来会不会背叛你, 简单的测试就可以发现他会不会成为一个玩弄女性的人。 当你约会时,你可以原谅他行为上不成熟的表现,但基本上都无法容忍他将来背叛你。科兹莫作了大量调查,研究可能造成男性对妻子不忠的明显的特征,其中不少发现令大家瞠目结舌。 但是在你激动之余你最好清楚:即使他有一些卑贱肮脏的想法,实际上并不代表他在欺骗你。 Gary Aumiller博士,心理学家,《危险信号:怎么知道你约会的对象是不是一个失败者?》的作者之一认为:“在阅读这些细节的同时,你必须用心去听!”快速回忆一下对方游离的眼神,看看对方是否喜欢四处涉猎,也想想看你该怎样应付。 约会考虑因素:背景 欺骗警告之一 他是否在家中宠得太过了? 他父母是否还把他当小孩看待?是否还在帮他解决经济困难? 他是否仍在吹嘘他考试中如何作弊,或在大学期间雇人写论文的事情? 如果你的男友人生一帆风顺,没有经历我们经历过的狂风暴雨,那么你就得小心了。先天优越的人会有一种权力欲(或者叫蛮横男孩综合症),因此他也许觉得所有规则对他都不适用,他已经习惯了想什么就有什么的日子,干嘛现在得放弃那种日子? 心理学家Shirley Glass博士认为:“他也许会欺骗你,因为他认为自己应该获得自己需要的东西,根本不在乎可能会伤害谁。” Glass博士是夫妻不忠行为研究专家,即将出版《不仅仅是朋友:防止不忠行为 医治背叛创伤》一。“如果你发现了这一切,他也可能没意识到你是多么的沮丧,因为他以自我为中心,没法考虑你的感受。” 所以你怎么会知道,“拥有一切”的大块头男朋友有没有其他心仪的女性?Glass建议,当他自己举止行为不雅时,看他如何应付。当他把写给你的不雅邮件错发给朋友后是否后悔?还是就当没事发生一样?当他把事情弄得一团糟时是责怪其他人呢,还是自己承担责任?如果他看不到他的行为影响到了他人,他也不大可能在诱惑面前想到“哇哦,怎么对得起我的女朋友呢?” 约会考虑因素:事业 欺骗警告之二 他是否主要和女性一起工作? 不管是在办公室,陪客户吃饭,还是因公出差,他是否总是熬到很晚才回家? 他挣大钱么? 与雄心勃勃的人谈恋爱当然很好,而且当他给你买些昂贵的小玩意时,他口袋里的钱绝对不是什么坏事,但是那样的办公室环境为秘密舞会和出轨开了方便之门。根据Glass的研究发现,男人出轨通常是一起工作的同事。“不仅因为他们对日常工作有相似的兴趣,而且因为他们呆在一起的时间,通常是他们精力最旺盛,也是发现对方最优秀的时候。” 不幸的是,他的钱包越鼓,你那只“忙碌的蜜蜂”就越有可能跟办公室的“好朋友”打得火热。根据Jan Halper博士(《寂静的绝望:成功男士背后的真相》的作者)的调查研究,职位较高的男士比职位较低的男士更容易出轨,这并不完全因为成熟男人是“少女杀手”。“职业上的成功让男人们更加懂得,他们钱越多,他们对女性就越有吸引力”,心理学家Alon Gratch博士认为,他著有《如果男人能够说话》一书。“由于睾丸激素驱使男人们追逐权力,如果一个男人职位高升,他就更加可能按自己的愿望行事。”还记得美国总统办公室事件吗? 不过在你严密监视男友的办公停车场之前,你最好知道,一个事业心强的男人也可能花大量时间努力工作。当你打电话给他时听起来很高兴,或者邀请你去他办公室,或者带你参加公司的舞会,你应该是他唯一的伴。要是他神神秘秘的像中央情报局员工那样,很可能他还有“工作之外的客户”。 约会考虑因素: 闲聊伙伴 欺骗警告之三 他是否跟你无话不谈(比如违章停车罚款,上班迟到等)? 他是否努力讨好任何人(你的同事,你的姐姐,一个销售小姐)? 当你们去参加舞会时,他是否故意兜圈子? 你家人和朋友都喜欢他,他总是逗你乐,你怎么会不爱上他?但是根据Glass的研究,喜欢奉承巴结的人常常会有一种获得认可的强烈愿望,而且强烈渴望引起注意。那么与一个真正友好的小伙子约会有什么错?好吧,有时一个女人的自我良好感觉并不能满足一个熟练灯光助理对聚光灯的要求。如果他对女士们都谦恭温和,毫无疑问竞争就出现了。“讨女人喜欢的人会碰上一大堆女人,而且会轻易把她们吸引过来,”Aumiller认为,“所以即使他的目的仅仅是友谊,他们可能乐于更进一步,那是很难抗拒的。” 要确定你喜欢的人会不会对你不忠,只需好好观察在社交场合中如何对你就行了。当碰上一个新的女性朋友,你的男友可能把你凉在一边,或者身边有很多女性时明显感到个人电脑这类东西很碍事,那么他不属于你一个人。“他应该表现得像你的男友,当他和其他人聊天时,会不由自主斜眼看你,或者确信他舞会上至少部分时间是跟你在一起,”Gratch说。提醒他你是非常值得注意也无妨:当他跟一少女在角落交流时,你自己也跟几个男人调情,一旦他发现你有你的玩法,他会把注意力转回到你身上。 约会考虑因素:朋友 欺骗警告之四 他是否常常跟一群单身男孩子闲逛? 他朋友鼓励他加入他们的“男人活动”? 他的好朋友还跟他保持良好的朋友关系? 夜总会、单身汉聚会、花花公子俱乐部,我们最好不要知道太多细节,这些都足够让任何一个女人产生那么一点点担心。尽管男孩总归是男孩,男人间的亲密通常会使忠心男人感觉没那么多的束缚,单身生活的愿望使他们长时间感到自由。最近一项对37000位男性和女性所作的调查发现,当男人们看到身边那些人与重要的人分手,会促使他们也这样做。 你希望相信,他的密友们有足够的判断力让他远离可爱的俱乐部活动,但他们并非总是跟你站在一条战线上。Aumiller认为:“如果一群朋友都在找寻(猎艳的)机会,他们不仅会奚落他被套住了,而且实际上也鼓励他说谎,至少他们会掩护他。” 如果他能够在他朋友和你之间寻找到平衡点,也没必要不许他跟单身汉们出去。Glass认为“当他遇见朋友时,他有时也把你当朋友看待”。虽然你的男友兄弟伙看起来似乎有点像你的竞争对手,和这群人结为密友(如果你不得已,假装亲密),可能为你们的关系创造奇迹,一旦你赢得他们的尊重,他们更不大可能拉你的男友出去。 原文: Dating 101: Will Your Guy Cheat on You?   You don't need lipstick on a collar to know your man is the two-timing type. Here, a simple test that'll reveal his philandering potential. By Cosmopolitan Photo: iStockphoto.com/Craig Swatton Updated: Nov 21, 2008 RATING THIS ARTICLE 窗体顶端 When you're dating a guy, you can forgive him for some indiscretions, but it's nearly impossible to turn the other cheek if he strays. Well, Cosmo did some investigating to ascertain the traits that may make men more likely to cheat, and some of our findings were surprising eye-openers. 窗体底端 But before you freak, realize that just because he possesses characteristics of a mangy scoundrel doesn't mean he's actually cheating on you. "You have to listen to your gut as well as read the clues," says Gary Aumiller, Ph.D., a psychologist and coauthor of "Red Flags! How to Know When You're Dating a Loser." Run through this list of wandering-eye warning signs to see if your partner is predisposed to prowl... and find out how you can deal. ​ Cheat Predictor #1  Was he spoiled as a kid?  Do his parents tend to baby him and help him out of financial jams?  Has he ever bragged about cheating on an exam or paying someone to write a paper for him in college? If your man seems to have sailed through life without ever hitting the rough waters that rock the rest of us, beware. Privileged chaps tend to suffer from a sense of entitlement (read: bratty-boy syndrome), so he may believe that the rules don't apply to him. He's so used to getting what he wants, why should he stop now? "He might cheat because he thinks he deserves to fulfill all of his needs, no matter who he might hurt," says Shirley Glass, Ph.D., a psychologist, infidelity expert and author of the forthcoming "Not Just Friends: Protecting Your Relationship from Infidelity and Healing from the Trauma of Betrayal." "He probably has little concept of how upset you would be if you found out because he's too self-centered to think about your feelings." So how do you know if your have-it-all hunk has other women on his wish list? Glass suggests paying attention to how he copes when he's confronted with any bad behavior on his part. Does he regret getting caught forwarding your racy emails to his friends but feel no guilt for doing it in the first place? Does he blame others when he screws up rather than take responsibility himself? If he can't see how his actions affect others, he's not likely to say, "Whoa, what about my girlfriend?" when temptation strikes. Dating Factor: His Career Cheat Predictor #2  Does he work mostly with women?  Is he always logging in late hours, whether it be at the office, at dinner with clients or on business trips?  Does he make a lot of money? It's great to date a guy with ambition -- and his deep pockets definitely don't hurt when he brings you pricey baubles -- but the office environment can open the door to private meetings of the carnal kind. According to Glass, studies show that when men cheat, it's most often with a work colleague. "Not only are people with similar interests side by side on a daily basis, but the time they spend together is usually when they're most energetic and look their best." Unfortunately, the bigger his wallet, the more likely your busy bee is to cozy up with an office buddy. According to a study conducted by Jan Halper, Ph.D., author of "Quiet Desperation: The Truth About Successful Men," top-tier guys have affairs more often than those on a lower rung, and not just because big bucks can be babe magnets. "Evolution has wired men to understand that the better they are at providing, the more appealing they are to women," says Alon Gratch, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of "If Men Could Talk." "Since testosterone what drives men's quest for power, if a guy has achieved status, he's more likely to act on his desires." Remember that little Oval Office incident? But before you start staking out your guy's office parking lot, realize that a career-oriented man might just be spending time working diligently. If he sounds happy that you call during the day, invites you to his office and takes you to company parties, you're most likely his one and only partner. It's when he acts more secretive about his work than a CIA agent that he's probably taking on after-hours clients. Dating Factor: His Schmooze MO Cheat Predictor #3  Can he talk his way out of anything (parking tickets, rolling into work late)?  Does he make an effort to charm everyone -- your coworkers, your older sister, a saleswoman?  When you go to parties, does he insist on making the rounds? Your friends and family love him, and he always manages to keep you entertained. How could you not adore him? But according to Glass, sweet-talkers often have a deep need for approval and thrive on attention. So what's wrong with dating a really friendly fella? Well, sometimes a smooth operator's need for the spotlight can't be satisfied by one woman's ego-stroking. And if he's suave with the ladies, opportunities undoubtedly arise. "Charmers meet a lot of women and win them over easily," says Aumiller. "So even if his intentions aren't more than friendship, they might be willing to move beyond friendship, and that's hard to resist." To determine if your charmer might become a two-timer, watch how he interacts with you in social settings. A guy who wants to play with other partners may brush you off when chatting with a new female friend or get noticeably more uncomfortable with PDAs when other women are around. "He should act like a boyfriend, giving you side glances when he's talking with someone else, for example, or making sure he spends at least part of the night partying with you," says Gratch. But it also wouldn't hurt to remind him how attention-worthy you are. When he chats up a chick in the corner, flirt with a few guys yourself. Once he sees that you have your own game going on, he'll focus back on you. Dating Factor: His Friends Cheat Predictor #4  Does he usually hang out with a crew of mostly single guys?  Do his friends encourage him to join them in just-for-men activities?  Do his pals have problems staying in relationships? The nightclubs, the bachelor parties, the dudes-only deeds we're better off not knowing the details of -- it's enough to make any woman worry just a wee bit. Although boys-will-be-boys, bonding time helps a committed man feel less, well, trapped, the appeals of bachelorhood may make him long to be a free agent. A recent study of 37,000 men and women showed that when guys see those around them splitting from their significant others, it tends to encourage them to do the same. You want to believe that his buddies would have enough sense to stop your guy from canoodling with some cute club-hopper, but they won't always be on your side. According to Aumiller, "If a coupled-up guy's friends are all looking to get lucky, they may not only tease him about being tied down but also actually dare him to cheat. At the very least, they'll cover for him." Still, there's no need to ban him from hanging out with the bachelors if he's able to strike the right balance between his buddies and you. "He should include you sometimes when he meets up with friends," says Glass. Although your fella's frat pack might seem like the enemy, chumming it up with the guys (fake fondness if you have to) can do wonders for your relationship. Once you've earned their respect, they're much less likely to push your partner into prowling.
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