女人的一样和不一样

女人的“一样”和“不一样” 常听到这样的抱怨：做女人真是吃力。我深有同感。细究起来，这种吃力不仅是体力上的，更主要的是心理上的。 I often hear the complaint that it is so hard to be a woman, and I can’t help feeling the same. The strain is not only physical, there’s also the psychological burden. ①在我们还是小女孩的时候，我们就懂得一条千真万确的道理：妇女半边天，男女都一样。那时候，这口号被我们喊在嘴上，心里只感到骄傲与豪迈；那时候，这口号被我们努力地落实为行动，确实体现出了女人和男人有一样的智慧一样的能力一样的才干，什么“铁姑娘队”“三八包车组”“女飞行员”等等，在各行各业女人们的现决不落后于男人；男人能做到的事情女人没有办不到的；女人和男人应该而且必须并驾齐驱。“男女都一样”的口号，那么响亮地被贯彻了几十年，并组成为一种世界观，影响着我们的人生，而且，这口号还是一种具有历史意义的标志——中国妇女解放的标志。      Ever since I was a little girl, we all held it as an indisputable truth that “Women hold up half the sky,” that “women are just as good as men.” At the time, as we chanted the slogan, our hearts were filled with pride. We put the saying into action, and proved that women were indeed just as good as men, just as smart just as capable and just as talented. The examples of the “Iron Girls Brigade,” the “March 8 Railway Service Group,” the female aviators and so on were living proof that women have caught up with men in every field of action; that women were perfectly capable of doing whatever men can do; that women can and must keep up with men. The slogan “women are as good as men” has been ringing clear and loud for the last couple of decades, it has been deeply ingrained into our mentality and has influenced our lives. This slogan also has its historical significance—it is an emblem of women’s liberation. 但我不能认同。 But I have my reservations.     ②万事万物由方方面面组成，而那个“男女都一样”的口号，只是向女人提出要求，却没有相同的口号要求男人和女人做得一样：一样耐心持久地抚育孩子；一样任劳任怨地操持家务；一样尽心尽责地伺奉老人。仔细想想，“男女都一样”的口号曾鼓舞着许多妇女竭力地建树和男人一样的丰功伟绩，同时，女人却依然要做那些和男人不一样的事。所谓“一样”的口号，使女人们在做着女人的同时再做男人；所谓“一样”的口号，让女人们又给自己加重一些担子。女人和男人在根本上还是不一样。 All things under heaven and earth are made up of different parts, but the slogan “women are as good as men” makes demands on women without making a corresponding demand on men to be “just as good as women”: to raise children just as patiently, to do household chores just as uncomplainingly, to care for the old just as dutifully. Come to think of it，the slogan “women are as good as men” has spurred women on to achievements to challenge men’s. But at the same time, women must still do what men do not stoop to. The fact is, “women are as good as men” means that women after doing what women do, must take up another burden. Let’s face it, basically women are not the same as men.     时过境迁，在“男女都一样”的口号被喊得过于长久之后，社会来了改革，冲破层层束缚，男人们的要求和欲望大大地获得解放，他们对女人的要求和欲望便相应地来了改革，不再停留在“都一样”的程度上，而是提出新口号：“女人应该像个女人，一寸一寸都要体现出女人味道。”说白了，就是要求女人还原女人和男人的不一样。有人说，这将意味着中国妇女的一大进步。     我还是不能认同。     在强调“一样”时，女人和男人并非真的一样。在强调“不一样”时，女人却还是少不了要和男人一样的同工同酬。难怪女人们一致的感到辛苦感到劳累。要求她们既要做得和男人“一样”，不被男人轻视，又要做得“不一样”，让男人们欢欣，她们真是招架不住了，而且，也是不公平的。何况，无论“一样”或“不一样”，要完完全全地做到，没有一定的条件作保证光靠女人们自身的努力，是很难两全其美地一身兼起“一样”又“不一样”的使命。我不否认，“男女都一样”的口号，在一定程度上，使妇女有了社会地位有了经济地位；而“男女不一样”的要求。又在一定程度上，使妇女们渐渐完善了女性的素质。问是“一样”的解放和“不一样”的进步，是男人世界对女人的不断要求，那么，男人世界又是如何要求男人们从传统中得到解放和进步的呢？     我以为，这是在“一样”和“不一样”的口号后面值得深思的问题。     我有好几个女朋友，迟迟不能成婚，拖来拖去，结果就成了一个难题。我心里颇为她们遗憾，还有困惑和费解，甚至还有些郁郁的不平，似乎总也找不出其中的原因：为什么她们享受不到爱与被爱的快乐和幸福？论条件，她们每一个都相当不错，有文凭，有事业；论长相，她们虽不属美人之列，但至少五官端端正正的；论人品论个性，她们正直，独特，看待人生，看待社会，都有自己的见解和思想，与她们交往，趣味很相投很开心，并且很有收获。在我看来，她们在人群中是优秀的一部分。只是，听她们一谈到爱情和婚姻，气氛往往有些低落和消极。我真的不明白，她们怎么就不讨男人喜欢？为什么碰不到她们喜欢的男人？玩笑时，我曾说过，我要是个男人，一定娶你们为妻。     “问题是，你不是男人。”     “问题是，女人看女人和男人看女人，审美的眼光不同。”     “问题是，男人对女人的要求比较浅薄。”     她们振振有词，然而，语调中不免流露着无可奈何。     但我仍有疑问：为什么？这疑问在心里搁了很久。有一天，我终于冒昧地向一位挺有学问也挺会生活的男同志“咨询”：“你们男人到底喜欢什么样的女人？”      他很聪明很领会地笑笑，然后，他从容不迫地答道：“男人喜欢轻松的女人。男人和女人在一起需要快活，并不需要深刻。”      快活——深刻。      我被这两个没有关联但似乎又关联着什么的词语震动了。很快，我便恍然大悟，不得不承认，那位男同志的回答极透彻，言简意赅。男人面对社会时，他们在面对沉重和深刻，因此，男人在面对女人时他们往往只需要快活和轻松了。如果说，男人对女人的这种要求是“浅薄”，那么，这样的“浅薄”好像是情有可原的。我想，大概只有比较优秀的男人才会懂得才会欣赏女人的深刻，同时，只有比较优秀的女人，才会既深刻又不乏快活和轻松。可生活毕竟有很多缺陷，不可能造就很多优秀的男人和优秀的女人。生活有缺陷和人性有缺陷，这就是现实，这就是不尽人意之处，而且，这是不易克服的。     有了这样的认识，对于女朋友碰到的难题虽然不再费解，但心里依然充满遗憾，又说不清究竟为什么遗憾，为嫁不出去的女朋友还是为没有爱上她们的男人们？     我真的说不清。由于“说不清”，我感到有些苦恼。这是不是“深刻”带来的苦恼呢？ I often hear the complaint that it is so hard to be a woman, and I can’t help feeling the same. The strain is not only physical, there’s also the psychological burden. Ever since I was a little girl, we all held it as an indisputable truth that “Women hold up half the sky,” that “women are just as good as men.” At the time, as we chanted the slogan, our hearts were filled with pride. We put the saying into action, and proved that women were indeed just as good as men, just as smart just as capable and just as talented. The examples of the “Iron Girls Brigade,” the “March 8 Railway Service Group,” the female aviators and so on were living proof that women have caught up with men in every field of action; that women were perfectly capable of doing whatever men can do; that women can and must keep up with men. The slogan “women are as good as men” has been ringing clear and loud for the last couple of decades, it has been deeply ingrained into our mentality and has influenced our lives. This slogan also has its historical significance—it is an emblem of women’s liberation. But I have my reservations. All things under heaven and earth are made up of different parts, but the slogan “women are as good as men” makes demands on women without making a corresponding demand on men to be “just as good as women”: to raise children just as patiently, to do household chores just as uncomplainingly, to care for the old just as dutifully. Come to think of it，the slogan “women are as good as men” has spurred women on to achievements to challenge men’s. But at the same time, women must still do what men do not stoop to. The fact is, “women are as good as men” means that women after doing what women do, must take up another burden. Let’s face it, basically women are not the same as men. And now times have changed. The slogan “women are as good as men” has obviously been flaunted long enough. With the onward march of time, reform has set in; male demands and male desires, after breaking through many restrictions, have been liberated. Their demands on and their desires for women have also undergone a reform and have moved beyond the marker of being “as good as.” Now they have unleashed a new slogan: “women should be womenly, must show femininity.” In plain language, they want women to go back to being different from men. Some say that this means a big step forward for Chinese women. But again I have my reservations. When we stressed that women should be “just as good as men,” women in reality were not limited to being “just as good.” Now that the emphasis is on being different, women still cannot avoid having to work like men on a same work same pay basis. No wonder women all feel exhausted and drained “They must be like men to avoid being despised by men, and then they must be different from men to be desired by men. How can they bear the strain! It is not fair. Besides, without certain provisions, it is impossible to rely on women’s efforts alone to make it both ways, fulfilling their mission of being “just as good” and still “not as good.” I do not deny that the slogan of “women are as good as men” has given women economic and social position, while expecting them to be “not as good” has to a certain extent helped women fulfill themselves in their gender roles. But the problem is, the liberating “just as good” and the progressiveness of “not as good” are all demands made by men on women. Now what about asking men to be liberated from tradition and making some progress themselves? 1 think this is something we need to think about when we look beyond the slogans of women being “just as good” or “not as good.”