Season 5
169 of 398 Pages
Chandler: Hey.
Joey: Have you seen Monica?
Chandler: (Very defensive.) I‘m not seeing
Monica.
Joey: (With a confused look on his face.) What?
Chandler: What?
Joey: Look we‘ve got to find her. Phoebe just
called!! Rachel‘s coming to tell Ross she loves
him!!
Chandler: Oh my god!
Joey: I know! That‘s why we got to find Monica!!
You know where she is?
Chandler: No!! Okay!! What‘s with the third
degree?! Why don‘t you just shine a light in my
eyes?! (Joey looks totally confused.)
[Scene: The plane. Rachel's telling her story to the
passenger on her left. The one on her left is still
wearing his headphones.]
Rachel: ...And so then I realized. All this stuff I
had been doing. proposing to Joshua, lying to Ross
about why I couldn‘t come to the wedding. Was all
just a way of...
Passenger: (Frustrated he takes his headphones
off.) Oh, oh oh!! I‘m sorry, can I interrupt? You
know I just want to say..That you are a horrible,
horrible person.
Rachel: Ehh, pardon me?
Passenger: You say you love this man, yet you‘re
about to ruin the happiest day of his life. I‘m afraid
I have to agree with you friend Pheebs.. This is
a..this is a...terrible, terrible plan.
Rachel: But he has to know how I feel!
Passenger: But why? He loves this...this Emily
person. No good can come of this.
Rachel: (Sighing) Well I-I think your wrong.
Passenger: Oh-no.(He bites his fist at her.)And
by the way, it seems to be perfectly clear that you
were on a break. (Rachel gasps and doesn‘t know
what to say. He puts his headphones back on.)
[Scene: The church where Ross and Emily are to
be married. Judy, Andrea, and Monica enter
together.]
Mrs. Geller: (Looking around at the chapel.) Oh
my God! It‘s like a fairyland.
Mrs. Waltham: I know, it‘s horrible isn‘t it?
Monica: Well, I love it. I only hope my wedding
looks this good.
Mrs. Geller: I just hope...
Monica: (Angrily.) You can let some of them go
by!(Judy and Andrea go to the front of the chapel.
Joey approaches Monica.)
Joey: (Whispering.) Pisst, Monica. Alright, we
really need to start looking out for Rachel. I‘ll cover
the front door. You watch that big hole at the back
of the building and I got Chandler covering Ross.
Monica: (Awkwardly.) Why would I care where
Chandler is? You know uhh...You know sometimes
I don‘t even like Chandler.
Joey: Okay. (They both walk off to watch for
Rachel.)
(Ross and chandler are standing next to the alter.
Ross is practicing for the wedding.)
Ross: (Using a slightly different inflection for
each.) I do. I do. I do.
Chandler: Oh yea, your right. It‘s the second one.
Ross: (Very Nervous)Really?
[Scene: Joey‘s in the front entrance watching for
Rachel. The bridesmaid he met at the rehearsal
dinner come in.)
Felicity: (In a sexy voice.)Hello Joey.
Joey: Hey, Felicity.
Felicity: Umm, I thought about you all day.
Joey: Yeah.
Felicity: Um-hum. Talk New York to me again.
Joey: (In a New York accent.) Fuggetaboutit. (She
giggles.) How you doin?
Felicity: Mmm. (She pushes him up against the
wall and they begin to kiss.)
Joey: Oh, yeah.
(Back in the chapel. The parents are still fighting
over the bill. Ross is refereeing.)
Mrs. Geller: There‘s nothing to discuss. We‘re not
paying for your wine cellar.
Mr. Waltham: (Pleading.) You-you have to meet
me in the middle here.
Mr. Geller: (Forcefully.) Hey, you keep pushing
me on this, my foots going to meet the middle of
your ass.
Ross: Dad!! (Emily comes running in.)
Emily: What-what‘s going on?!
Ross: Nothing, nothing. Everything's under
control.
Mr. Waltham: You want a piece of me, sir? Is
that what your saying? (Pointing at Jack and
poking him) You want a piece of me?
Ross: (Stepping in between them.)Okay! Okay!
That‘s it!! Parents!! Parents!! Back away!! All right,
this is our wedding day! >From now on everyone
gets along, and if I hear one more word. NO
GRANDCHILDREN! (Pointing at his mother.) That‘s
right!!
Mr. Geller: Okay, okay.
Mr. Waltham: Sorry old boy, sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
(Them all walk away. As he leaves he mutters to
Jack.) I could kill you with my thumb, you know.
Emily: What was all that about?
Ross: (Sighing.) It was...This disagreement
over...(She sighs. Ross notices her in her wedding
dress.) My god. You...you look beautiful.
Emily: (Giggles.) Ohh...(She realizes that she‘s in
her gown.) Oh! You were not meant to see me before the
wedding. It‘s bad luck.
Ross: You know what, I think we‘ve had all the bad luck
we‘re going to have. (He hugs her.)
(The front entrance. Joey and the bridesmaid are up
against the wall kissing. Rachel comes in the door and
walks by Joey unnoticed. She walks into the chapel and
sees Ross and Emily kissing. She looks as though she
wants to cry. Emily walks away and Ross turns and sees
Rachel standing there.)
Ross: My God. Rachel! (He walks towards her, grasps her
hands and kisses her on the cheek.) Your here. I can‘t
believe it. (She giggles.) What happen? Why are you here?
Rachel: Well I just came...(She touches him near his heart.
She‘s almost in tears.) I just needed to tell you...(Looking
into his eyes. She takes a deep breath.) Congratulations.
(He hugs her. She can barely hold back the tears.)
[Scene: Camera fades to one of the band members playing
guitar at the wedding. The chapel is full of guest. A
groomsmen escorts a bridesmaid down the isle. Joey is
waiting with Mrs. Waltham to escort he down the isle. A
cellular phone rings.]
Mrs. Waltham: (Answering the phone.) Hello, Waltham
Interiors.
Phoebe: Mrs. Waltham. Hi. It‘s Phoebe again.
Mrs. Waltham: (Throws her head back in disgust.) Why?!
Phoebe: Yea. Can I please, please, please talk to one of
the best men? This is going to be the last time I promise.
Mrs. Waltham: (Slapping the phone into Joey‘s chest.)
Joey there‘s a girl on the phone for you.
Joey: (Smiling.) Ohh great!! (Putting the phone to his ear.)
Hello. (He begins to escort her down the aisle.)
Phoebe: Did you stop Rachel?
Joey: No, but it‘s okay. She just came in and gave him a
hug, that it.
Phoebe: So nothing got ruined?
Joey: No.
Phoebe: Oh that‘s so great! Ohh, so what‘s going on now?
Joey: Ah, I‘m-I‘m walking down the aisle...Still walking.
(Mrs. Waltham takes her place.) I‘m about to pass the
bridesmaid I hooked up with last night. (Looking at the
bridesmaid.) Hey! (Talking to Phoebe.) I told her "Hey."
And now I‘m at the front with Ross. It‘s Phoebe. (He shows
Ross the phone.) He looks pretty mad. Uh...I‘d better go.
Phoebe: No!! wait, wait, wait!! Oh please, hold it up so I
can listen. (Joey looks at Ross and holds the phone above
Ross‘s shoulder.)
(Chandler escorts Monica down the aisle.)
Chandler: What we did last night was....
Monica: Stupid.
Chandler: Totally crazy stupid. (He nods his head at the
people seated.)
Monica: What were we thinking?
Chandler: I‘m coming over tonight though, right?
Monica: Oh yeah. Definitely.
(They quickly take their places and Here Comes the Bride
Begins to play. Everyone seated looks back. Emily is being
escorted up the aisle by her father. She kisses him on the
cheek and takes her place by Ross‘s side.)
Minister: Friends. Family. We are gathered to celebrate
here today the joyous union of Ross and Emily. May the
happiness we share with them today be with them always.
Now Emily, repeat after me. I, Emily...
Emily: I, Emily...
Minster: Take thee Ross...
Emily: Take thee Ross...
Minster: As my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and
in health, till death parts us.
Emily: As my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in
health, until death parts us.
Minster: Now Ross, repeat after me. I Ross...
Ross: I Ross...
Minister: Take thee, Emily...
Ross: Take thee, Rachel...(All his friends have looks of
shock on their faces. He realizes what he said. Quickly he
says.) Emily. (A slight chuckle.) Emily.
Minister: (Looking and feeling awkward. he looks towards
Emily.) Uhh...Shall I go on?
(Rachel looks all around as if all the eyes in the chapel were
looking at her as the picture fades to black.)
CLOSING CREDITS
THE END
501 The One After Ross Says Rachel
[Scene: Ross‘s Wedding, continued from last season, the
Minister is about to marry Ross and Emily.]
Minister: Friends. Family. We are gathered to celebrate
here today the joyous union of Ross and Emily. (Time lapse)
Now Ross, repeat after me. I Ross...
Ross: I Ross...
Minister: Take thee, Emily...
Ross: Take thee, Rachel...(All his friends have looks of
shock on their faces. He realizes what he said. Quickly he
says.) Emily. (A slight chuckle.) Emily.
Minister: (Looking and feeling awkward. he looks towards
Emily.) Uhh...Shall I go on?
Rachel: (To the woman sitting in front of her) He-he said
Rachel, right? Do you think I should go up there?
Emily: Yes, yes, do go on.
Minister: I think we‘d better start again. Ross, repeat
after me. I, Ross…
Ross: I, Ross…
Minister: Take thee, EM-I-LY…
Ross: Take thee, (Glares at the Minister) Emily. (Chuckles)
Like there‘d be anybody else. (Emily is glaring at him.)
Minister: As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in
health, till death parts us.
Ross: As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in
health, until death parts us. Really, I do. Emily. (Points at
her.)
Minister: May I have the rings? (He is given the rings)
Emily, place this ring on Ross‘s finger as a symbol of
your bond everlasting. (She jams the ring onto his
finger) Ross, place this ring in Emily‘s hand as a symbol
of the love that encircles you forever.
Ross: Happy too.
Minister: Ross and Emily have made their
declarations and it gives me great pleasure to declare
them husband and wife.
Ross: Yay!
Minister: You may kiss the bride.
(He goes to kiss her, but she isn‘t very receptive of the
kiss. She keeps avoiding him, until Ross finally gets to
kiss her on her cheek.)
Mrs. Geller: (To Mr. Geller) This is worse than when
he married the lesbian.
(The band starts to play, and the recessional starts.
Ross tries to take Emily‘s hand, but she snatches it
away from him.)
Emily: Just keep smiling.
Ross: Okay.
Joey: Well, that went well. Yeah.
Chandler: It could‘ve been worse, he could‘ve shot
her.
(Ross and Emily make it to the lobby.)
Ross: (laughs) That uh, that was pretty funny. Wasn‘t
it?
(Emily gives him a forearm shot across the stomach.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: The Wedding reception, Ross and Emily are in
the bathroom and Emily is yelling at him. Rachel,
Chandler, Joey, and Monica are standing outside the
doorway.]
Emily: (Yelling from inside the bathroom) You‘ve
spoiled everything! It‘s like a nightmare! My friends
and family are out there! How can I face them?! How
can you do this to me?!
Joey: (To the gang) Hey, no matter what happens
with Ross and Emily, we still get cake right?
Ross: (exiting the bathroom) That-that-that‘s all right,
no honey, you take your time sweetie. I‘ll be right out
here. (She slams the door in his face, to the gang)
She‘s just fixing her makeup.
Emily: I hate you!!
Ross: And, I love you!! (He walks into the living room)
Mr. Geller: Boy, bad time to say the wrong name, huh
Ross?
Ross: That‘s true, thanks dad. (To All) People should
be dancing! Huh? Hey, this is a party! Come on! Joey,
dance!! (He starts to dance but stops when no one else
joins him.)
(Mrs. Waltham‘s phone rings and she answers it.)
Mrs. Waltham: Yes, Waltham interiors.
Phoebe: (On the phone, in New York) Uh, hello, this is
Ross Geller‘s personal physician, Dr. Philange.
Mrs. Waltham: Who?
Phoebe: Yeah, I‘ve discovered that Ross forgot to
take his brain medicine, uh, now without it, uh, in the
brain of Ross, uh women‘s names are interchangeable,
through-through no fault of his own.
Mrs. Waltham: Oh my God, Phoebe.
Phoebe: No, not Phoebe, Dr. Philange. Oh no! You
have it too!
(Mrs. Waltham hangs up on her.)
Phoebe: Hello?
(Cut to Chandler and Monica at the buffet table.)
Chandler: Hey.
Monica: Hey.
Chandler: Oh wow, I hope you don‘t take this the
wrong way but, I know we had plans to meet up
tonight and, ugh, I‘m just kinda worried about what it
might do to our friendship.
Monica: I know. How could we have let this happen?
Chandler: Seven times!
Monica: Ugh! Well, y‘know, we were away…
Chandler: In a foreign, romantic country…
Monica: I blame London.
Chandler: Bad London! (Takes a spoon and smacks
the turkey.)
Monica: So look umm, while we‘re st-still in London, I
mean, we can keep doing it right?
Chandler: Well, I don‘t see that we have a choice. But,
when we‘re back home, we don‘t do it.
Monica: Only here.
Chandler: Y‘know, I saw a wine cellar downstairs…
Monica: I‘ll meet you there in two minutes.
Chandler: Okay!
(He throws down his plate and runs to the wine cellar,
Monica is about to follow him but is intercepted by
Rachel.)
Rachel: Mon, honey, I gotta ask you something.
Monica: (impatiently) Now?
Rachel: Ross said my name up there, I mean, come
on, I just can‘t pretend that didn‘t happen can I?
Monica: Oh, I-I don‘t know.
Rachel: Monica, what should I do?
Monica: Just uh, do the right thing. (Uses some
breath spray)
Rachel: What?
Monica: Toe the line. Thread the needle. Think
outside the box! (Tries to leave, but is stopped by
Rachel.)
Rachel: Whoa, wait, listen, I think I‘m just gonna talk
to Ross about what he think it meant.
Monica: Wait. Rachel, no, he‘s married. Married! If
you don‘t realize that, I can‘t help you.
Rachel: Okay, you‘re right. You‘re right. You can‘t
help me.
(Cut to Mr. and Mrs. Geller.)
Mrs. Geller: Jack, is it all our fault? Were we bad
Season 5
170 of 398 Pages
parents?
Mr. Waltham: (walking by) Yes.
Mr. Geller: Oh yeah, well who serves steak when
there‘s no place to sit, I mean how are you
supposed to eat this?
Joey: Hey, what‘s up? (He has solved the problem
of eating the steak, he‘s eating it with his hands.)
(Cut to Monica and Chandler, Monica is running up
to him.)
Monica: Where were you? We were supposed to
meet in the wine cellar?
Chandler: Forget it, that‘s off.
Monica: Why?!
Mr. Waltham: (drunkenly) The next tour of the
wine cellar will plan in two in-in minutes…
(Joey walks up to them.)
Monica: Joey, what are you doing? You promised
Phoebe you wouldn‘t eat meat until she has the
babies!
Joey: Well, I figured we‘re in another country, so
it doesn‘t count.
Monica: That‘s true.
Chandler: The man‘s got a point.
(Cut to Rachel and Ross.)
Rachel: Oh, hi!
Ross: Hi!
Rachel: Hi. Sorry, things aren‘t working out so
well.
Ross: Oh no! It could be better, but it‘s gonna be
okay, right?
Rachel: Oh yeah! Of course, I mean, she‘s gonna
get over this, y‘know? I mean, so you said my
name! Y‘know you just said it ‗cause you saw me
there, if you‘d have seen a circus freak, you
would‘ve said, "I take thee circus freak." Y‘know, it
didn‘t mean anything, it‘s just a mistake. It didn‘t
mean anything. Right?
Ross: No! No! Of course it didn‘t mean anything! I
mean, uh well, I can understand why Emily would
think it meant something, y‘know,
because-because it was you…
Rachel: Right…
Ross: But it absolutely didn‘t. (Yelling towards the
bathroom) It didn‘t!! It didn‘t!!
Joey: (approaching) Ross, hey, the band‘s ready
outside for your first dance with Emily, so…
Ross: (sarcastic) Oh! Oh-oh, the band‘s ready!
Well, I-I-we gotta do what the band says—I don‘t
care about the stupid band!!
Joey: You spit on me man! (Wipes his face.)
Ross: Look, I‘m sorry.
Joey: Emily is kinda taking a long time, huh?
Rachel: (laughs) Y‘know when I locked myself in
the bathroom at my wedding, it was because I was
trying to pop the window out of the frame.
Ross: Oh, right!
Rachel: Get the hell out of there, y‘know?
(They all start laughing, and quickly stop when
they realize what she just said and run over to the
bathroom.)
Ross: (Bangs on the bathroom door) Emily? Emily?
I‘m coming in. (He opens the door to reveal that
the window is gone, along with Emily.)
Rachel: Well, look at that, same thing.
[Scene: London Marriott, Monica and Chandler are
walking to her room.]
Chandler: Listen, in the middle of everything if I
scream the word, "Yippee!" just ignore me.
(She laughs and opens the door to reveal Rachel
sitting on the bed.)
Monica: Oh my God, Rachel! Hi!
Chandler: Oh, hello Rachel.
Rachel: Ross said my name. Okay? My name.
Ross said my name up there that obviously means
that he still loves me! (They both just stare at her.)
Okay, don‘t believe me, I know I‘m right—do you
guys want to go downstairs and get a drink?
Chandler: Yes, we do. But, we have to change
first.
Monica: Yes, I want to change. And why-why
don‘t you go down and get us a table?
Chandler: Yeah, we‘ll be down in like five
minutes.
Monica: (elbows him) Fifteen minutes.
Rachel: Okay.
(The phone rings and Rachel answers it.)
Rachel: Hello? Oh, Pheebs! (To them) It‘s
Phoebe!
Chandler: Oh, yay…
Monica: Great…
Rachel: Hi!
Phoebe: Hi, so what happened?
Rachel: Well, Ross said my name.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know, but I don‘t think that
means anything.
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, y‘know what, let‘s look at
this objectively all right? Ninth grade, right? The
obsession starts. All right? The summer after ninth
grade he sees me in a two-piece for the first time,
his obsession begins to grow. So then…
Chandler: (To Monica) Hey, listen, why don‘t we
go change in my room?
Monica: But my clothes are—ohh! (They both
leave.)
(Cut to Chandler‘s room, he opens the door slowly
to see if Joey is there and after seeing that he isn‘t,
ushers Monica into the room, closes the door, and
the security bar.)
Chandler: Wow, you look…
Monica: No time for that!
(They both start to frantically rip each other‘s
clothes off, but are interrupted when Joey tries to open the
door.)
Joey: Hey, dude, let me in. I got a girl out here!
Chandler: Well, I‘ve got a girl in here.
Joey: No you don‘t, I just saw you go in there with Monica!
Chandler: Well, we‘re-we‘re hanging out in here!
Joey: Look, which one of us is gonna be having sex in
there, me or you?
Chandler: Well, I suppose I‘d have to say you!! But, what
if we‘re watching a movie in here?
Monica: Which we are, and-and we already paid for it. It‘s
My Giant!
Joey: My Giant? I love that movie!
[Scene: Ross and Emily‘s room, Chandler and Monica are
still looking for a place to do the deed.]
Monica: You really think this is okay?
Chandler: Well, Ross and Emily aren‘t gonna use it.
Monica: Oh, it‘s so beautiful. Ohh! Y‘know, I-I don‘t know
if I feel right about this.
Chandler: Oh Mon-Mon-Mon-Mon-look, this is the
honeymoon suite. The room expects sex. The room
would be disappointed if it didn‘t get sex. All of the other
honeymoon suites would think it was a loser.
Monica: Okay!
Chandler: Okay!
(They both run to rip the covers off the bed, but are
interrupted by Ross.)
Ross: (entering) Emily?!
Chandler: Nope, not under here!
Monica: You didn‘t find her?
Ross: No, I‘ve looked everywhere!
Chandler: Well, you couldn‘t have looked everywhere or
else you would‘ve found her!
Monica: Yeah, I think you should keep looking!
Chandler: Yeah, for about 30 minutes.
Monica: Or 45.
Chandler: Wow, in 45 minutes you can find her twice.
(Monica smiles at that.)
Ross: No! For all I know, she‘s trying to find me but
couldn‘t because I kept moving around. No, from now on,
I‘m staying in one place. (He sits down on the bed.) Right
here.
Monica: Well, it‘s getting late.
Chandler: Yeah, we‘re gonna go.
Ross: Actually, do you guys mind staying here for a while?
Monica: Ugh, y‘know, umm we gotta get up early and
catch that plane for New York.
Chandler: Yeah, it‘s a very large plane.
Ross: (disappointed) That‘s cool.
Chandler: But, we‘ll stay here with you.
Ross: Thanks guys! (They both sit down on either side of
him.) I really appreciate