婚姻相处之道：沟通很重要

婚姻相处之道：沟通很重要 婚姻相处之道:沟通很重要 每个人都不能说自己对婚姻很有经验，每个人都有自己的感受，冷暖自知。比如有人喜欢被虐，不虐她还觉得对方不男人。有人就喜欢屈从，因为她根本没有主见，你让她拿个主意，没准要了她的亲命。所以接下来我们要谈的，你也不必太当真，因为我讲的再好，也未必适合你独特的婚姻样本。 我觉得人的一生面对两个重要的课题:怎么过,跟谁过, 怎么过需要自我的反省，包含三个小问题:一是过去怎么过的。这句话好别扭，就是自我认知走过的路。二是现在怎么过的，现在的生活你满意吗，为什么满意或者不满意。第三个小问题是接下来怎么过。订个方向有个梦想，虽然以我的经验来看，人生基本都是撞大运。但有个方向的好处就是，你不至于总问这个问题，而且人生也不会总迷茫，也不会轻易被现实打败，因为你有个自己意淫出来的奔头，话糙理不糙，就是这个道理。 人生面对的第二个重大课题就是:跟谁过。这个问题就不是自己想想就好的，还要根据对方来做出判断。从最近给我留言的问题来看，这类问题占了80%以上，诸如另一半出轨了自己怎么办,自己爱的人不爱自己怎么办,有了孩子想离婚怎么办,异地恋是不是必须一方要放弃,这些问题看得我眼花缭乱，真是: 幸福的婚姻大致雷同，不幸的婚姻却各有各的逗比之处。 我以一个过来人的身份，充当一回心理医生，给你们提供几个观点。 1、婚姻不是药，恋爱的问题不要用婚姻来解决 其实很多人在走入婚姻前，就明显知道双方是不合适的，他们天真的以为，结婚了就好了，婚姻真的是解决不合适的药方吗,当然不是，婚姻是两个人合适的结果。 the drawings, first to become familiar with the drawings, mainly about the following aspects: 1) pages of drawings and diagrams, maps; 2) a comprehensive understanding of drawing; 3) finding of design-driven dimensions (), do not resize and adjust the size; 4) questioned the drawings; 5) develop buries a construction programme and technical clarification; 6) clear corners and special treatment; 7) controlled construction drawings to verify construction scheme and design. (2) at the construction site to find subject planted area: various engineering, first on the scene to find planted area, it must first understand the curtain wall installation section, and some projects are all curtain wall, the entire project is a region-wide, only partial walls, the zone is local. (3) identify the axis positioning: positioning the drawings shown in axis compared with the actual construction site to find out exactly where the axis positioning, axis positioning function are: 1) to help determine the origin of curtain walls; 2) acceptance of the installation is accurate; 3) adjust errors, and determine the error range. (4) find anchor points: according to site to find the exact location of the axis, according to the drawings provided by the content determine the positioning point; number of anchor points shall not be less than two points. Repeated measurements determine the location points must ensure that the positioning is correct. (5) take level (level): level (minor works available in horizontal pipe), the two anchor points determine the horizontal position. Level according to use 如果恋爱时存在问题，你千万不要以为通过婚姻就可以解决。如果谈恋爱都感觉不舒服，那婚后会更不舒服。为什么,因为婚姻后会放大这种痛苦，比如洗碗做饭拖地整理房间，这些鸡毛蒜皮的事都会放大两个人的矛盾。 任何一段凑合的婚姻，最后都会演变成为一段悔不当初的未来。如果恋爱中你无法从对方那里发现自己的美好，那婚后定会是魔兽争霸的噩梦。 还有一个很傻的想法是，婚姻过不下去了，那就生个孩子解决吧。呃~干嘛要两次踏进同一个错误,用一个错误去解决另一个错误。 2、毛坯恋人，没有人是完美的 婚姻什么叫合适什么叫不合适,世界上又没有完全匹配的人。对啊，所以追求的应该是合适，而不是完美。 这个世界上不可能给你准备好一个人，全方位匹配。情投意合，严丝合缝，身上闪耀着你所有期待的特质，做梦吧。我倒是相信，这世界给你准备好了一个毛坯人，等待你去装修，只要长得基本符合期待，脾气大体喜欢，生活习惯大致不冲突。接下来就考验你化腐朽为神奇的能力了，总想换房大部分人没这个本钱啊。 那么问题来了，这个毛坯恋人，至少得有承重墙吧,呃~我认为有三个承重墙非常重要: 一是价值观，别扯什么世界观人生观了，太大太遥远，过日子用不到这个。价值观才是朝夕相处的关键，也就是对事物的基本道德判断。比如一个喜欢损人利已，一个喜欢大公无私，走到一起你想想会多么惨烈吧。 二是做爱的感受，一个性饥渴一个性冷淡就非常难办。总有人试图把爱与做-爱分开，没必要啊，本来做-爱就是爱情的一部分啊，两个人爱到深处，自然想缠绵。见过不少婚姻出问题，都是做-爱延伸出来的矛盾，俗话说一炮泯恩仇嘛。 the drawings, first to become familiar with the drawings, mainly about the following aspects: 1) pages of drawings and diagrams, maps; 2) a comprehensive understanding of drawing; 3) finding of design-driven dimensions (), do not resize and adjust the size; 4) questioned the drawings; 5) develop buries a construction programme and technical clarification; 6) clear corners and special treatment; 7) controlled construction drawings to verify construction scheme and design. (2) at the construction site to find subject planted area: various engineering, first on the scene to find planted area, it must first understand the curtain wall installation section, and some projects are all curtain wall, the entire project is a region-wide, only partial walls, the zone is local. (3) identify the axis positioning: positioning the drawings shown in axis compared with the actual construction site to find out exactly where the axis positioning, axis positioning function are: 1) to help determine the origin of curtain walls; 2) acceptance of the installation is accurate; 3) adjust errors, and determine the error range. (4) find anchor points: according to site to find the exact location of the axis, according to the drawings provided by the content determine the positioning point; number of anchor points shall not be less than two points. Repeated measurements determine the location points must ensure that the positioning is correct. (5) take level (level): level (minor works available in horizontal pipe), the two anchor points determine the horizontal position. Level according to use www.yiaida.com 三是生活习惯，一个凌乱美一个洁癖帝就非常麻烦。否则真的会细节打败爱情。 有人说，那我没结婚前这些事我也不知道啊。钱钟书老先生不是早就给出了解决吗,来场婚前旅行呗。 婚前的旅行是非常必要的，这涉及彼此对人文地理的共鸣，涉及为人处事的态度，涉及对彼此差异的宽容，涉及消费支出的理念，涉及彼此发现美之后能否产生共振，涉及在旅途劳累后是否还有照顾对方的耐心。旅行结束，再决定要不要嫁给这个人。 但要注意，旅行过程中不要怀孕。 3、离婚还是不离婚，不要把孩子当借口 前两个问题都属于早期预防，有人说那我结婚了后发现不合适，我该怎么办，毕竟我们有个孩子。 呃，孩子是无辜的好吗,不要总让孩子来做你的理由和借口。 我并不认为婚姻维持久就是好，我也不嘲笑那些和平离婚的夫妻们，相反有时我钦佩他们的勇气。我有一位朋友，跟老公从决定离婚到办完手续两个小时搞定，然后自己带着孩子从北京搬到了上海，我问她怎么想的，她说:单亲家庭总比每天吵架的氛围好，而且爱已经没有了，我为什么要把自己的余生这样熬下去, 而且我发现一个有趣的现象，往往一个男人说要离婚，拖拖拉拉好几年了都没有实际行动。反而是一些女人要决定离婚，真的是快刀斩乱麻。可能，男人怕分财产吧，也可能女人真的是爱情的生物，没爱了，真不能凑合。 the drawings, first to become familiar with the drawings, mainly about the following aspects: 1) pages of drawings and diagrams, maps; 2) a comprehensive understanding of drawing; 3) finding of design-driven dimensions (), do not resize and adjust the size; 4) questioned the drawings; 5) develop buries a construction programme and technical clarification; 6) clear corners and special treatment; 7) controlled construction drawings to verify construction scheme and design. (2) at the construction site to find subject planted area: various engineering, first on the scene to find planted area, it must first understand the curtain wall installation section, and some projects are all curtain wall, the entire project is a region-wide, only partial walls, the zone is local. (3) identify the axis positioning: positioning the drawings shown in axis compared with the actual construction site to find out exactly where the axis positioning, axis positioning function are: 1) to help determine the origin of curtain walls; 2) acceptance of the installation is accurate; 3) adjust errors, and determine the error range. (4) find anchor points: according to site to find the exact location of the axis, according to the drawings provided by the content determine the positioning point; number of anchor points shall not be less than two points. Repeated measurements determine the location points must ensure that the positioning is correct. (5) take level (level): level (minor works available in horizontal pipe), the two anchor points determine the horizontal position. Level according to use 我还有个朋友，离开了工作十年的公司，也结束了五年的婚姻，只身带着三岁的孩子从南方去了北京，租房子找幼儿园找工作重新拼搏。我问她:是什么让你做出这么有勇气的决定,她说:人生太短还有很多事情没有尝试，如果不试一把我肯定会后悔。我问:不累吗,她说:自己愿意就不累，虽然比之前忙了点，但特别充实。我瞬间被她励志了。 4、习惯就好，一切都是自己的选择 有人说，你说起来简单，但是我听过很多道理，依然离不了婚啊。 这也是一种生活态度，很久之前我就写过这样一篇文章，叫《人生中的选择》，人生就是自己的选择，然后自己负责。也有人觉得虽然我很想离婚，但我就是不离婚，就不离婚，就不离婚。 呃，那就不离呗，法律又没这。也见过很多夫妻，打打闹闹一辈子，最终也过的不错啊，这也是一种生活态度啊。还是我讲的第二点，底层结构没问题，凑合着过也挺好。比如我，就是现在就是这样。 我也没觉得结婚这十年后，每天都浪浪漫漫，每天都惊喜连绵。更多的感觉是:习惯了。因为习惯了，所以能接受彼此无关紧要的差异。 5、维系婚姻的关键，制造小浪漫 那婚姻该如何维系呢,我自己的体验是，有事没事多制造点快乐，苦中不仅要做爱，还要作乐。给婚姻生活制造一点小情趣。比如: 我老婆是个特别浪漫的人，有天半夜突然把我叫醒说:老公，你快来看，外面好多漂亮的星星。我刚站到窗边她就说:你帮我看着我的星星，我先去睡一觉。这还不算最浪(bian)漫(tai)的，后来连续七天睡到半夜都踢我说:快去看看我的星星还在不。直到我给她买了项链，这幸(bei)福(cui)的日子才结束。 the drawings, first to become familiar with the drawings, mainly about the following aspects: 1) pages of drawings and diagrams, maps; 2) a comprehensive understanding of drawing; 3) finding of design-driven dimensions (), do not resize and adjust the size; 4) questioned the drawings; 5) develop buries a construction programme and technical clarification; 6) clear corners and special treatment; 7) controlled construction drawings to verify construction scheme and design. (2) at the construction site to find subject planted area: various engineering, first on the scene to find planted area, it must first understand the curtain wall installation section, and some projects are all curtain wall, the entire project is a region-wide, only partial walls, the zone is local. (3) identify the axis positioning: positioning the drawings shown in axis compared with the actual construction site to find out exactly where the axis positioning, axis positioning function are: 1) to help determine the origin of curtain walls; 2) acceptance of the installation is accurate; 3) adjust errors, and determine the error range. (4) find anchor points: according to site to find the exact location of the axis, according to the drawings provided by the content determine the positioning point; number of anchor points shall not be less than two points. Repeated measurements determine the location points must ensure that the positioning is correct. (5) take level (level): level (minor works available in horizontal pipe), the two anchor points determine the horizontal position. Level according to use www.yiaida.com 我老婆不仅浪漫，还给我很多选择的权利。 有天晚上老婆说要分担家务，就问我:洗碗跟拖地你选哪个,我说洗碗。洗完碗后老婆又问:洗小孩跟拖地你选哪个,我说拖地。拖完地老婆又问:洗衣服和洗小孩你选哪个,我说洗小孩。洗完小孩老婆又问我:洗衣服带小孩睡觉你选哪个,我说洗衣服。洗完衣服看到老婆和孩子睡着了，我忽然觉得好像哪里不对..... 小快乐，小情趣，小惊喜，是让婚姻保鲜的秘诀。为什么要费这个心呢,因为要过一辈子啊，讨好对方，就是不跟自己过不去啊。这句话说的多好，恩，是我说的。 6、脾气相投是关键长相是浮云 最后再说一点啊，总有人问我要跟一个长得好看的结婚，还是脾气相投的人结婚。 如果在长相和脾气相投之间选择结婚对象，我肯定选择脾气相投的人，因为一辈子太长，长相很快就不靠谱了，脾气相投太重要了。 否则在郁郁寡欢中相伴一生，会折寿的。 the drawings, first to become familiar with the drawings, mainly about the following aspects: 1) pages of drawings and diagrams, maps; 2) a comprehensive understanding of drawing; 3) finding of design-driven dimensions (), do not resize and adjust the size; 4) questioned the drawings; 5) develop buries a construction programme and technical clarification; 6) clear corners and special treatment; 7) controlled construction drawings to verify construction scheme and design. (2) at the construction site to find subject planted area: various engineering, first on the scene to find planted area, it must first understand the curtain wall installation section, and some projects are all curtain wall, the entire project is a region-wide, only partial walls, the zone is local. (3) identify the axis positioning: positioning the drawings shown in axis compared with the actual construction site to find out exactly where the axis positioning, axis positioning function are: 1) to help determine the origin of curtain walls; 2) acceptance of the installation is accurate; 3) adjust errors, and determine the error range. (4) find anchor points: according to site to find the exact location of the axis, according to the drawings provided by the content determine the positioning point; number of anchor points shall not be less than two points. Repeated measurements determine the location points must ensure that the positioning is correct. (5) take level (level): level (minor works available in horizontal pipe), the two anchor points determine the horizontal position. Level according to use