维持婚姻的10个技巧

维持婚姻的10个技巧 维持一辈子婚姻的10个技巧 最近我收到一条来自《赫芬顿邮报》关于一辈子婚姻的神话。坦白地说，我甚至都没有打开那个链接，因为我已经疲于听到跟某人维持婚姻是多么不容易和不可能。基于这种心态，已婚夫妇在思想上会将离婚作为一个常规选项，轻易付诸实施。也许，我们需要一次重新构造——为什么一辈子的婚姻是可能的～ 1、探究家族模式和历史 结婚之前先花时间去探双方的究家族模式和历史，例如，你是否介意他的父亲是一个酒鬼，这意味着他成长于特殊的家庭模式，这种模式会对你们之间的关系造成影响。你是否介意你们有重大的宗教差异，你是否介意她跟她妈妈相处不融洽，是否介意他基于原生家庭模式而来的处理冲突的方式，等等。鉴定他和你的家庭模式并且说服自己去融合他们，使之成为一个大的统一协调体。 2、婚前咨询 婚前咨询帮助你指出即将进入的这段婚姻有哪些弱点和优势。这个方法可以帮助你有意识的去做出改变，积极地去适应另一半。 3、你们能像朋友一样相处 当你们剥去所有的情绪和富有感情的吸引，你是否还是喜欢这个人并且想和他共度一生。跟你做不了好同伴的人却可能在其他人眼里具有非常大的吸引力。婚姻中的友谊是一段坚固婚姻的基石。 4、不需要合同 使婚姻成为一个盟约，而不是一个合同。带着这样的想法进入婚姻——这是一个牢不可破的承诺——你们将一起战斗并且解决遇到的所有问题。 5、婚姻咨询 如果你们的关系消极因素变得比积极因素更多，去做一个婚姻咨询，获得帮助会让你不会空耗数年。 6、祈祷 彼此为你们的关系祈祷。祈祷是对抗离婚的一个强大的、被低估的武器。 7、给予关注 每天关注你的配偶。不要把人视为理所当然。 8、积极的援助 每天给你的配偶说积极的事情。就对婚姻关系的影响而言，赞美的力量不能被夸大，但是批评是导致婚姻关系螺旋向下的开始。 9、不要让愤怒过夜 立即解决问题，不允许痛苦和不肯饶恕滋长蔓延。 10、保持新鲜 做一些新奇的事情让爱保持鲜活。许多夫妇的关系进入惯例而变得无聊。新奇的事物能让你们找回爱的感觉并保持新鲜。 10 Tips To Stay Married For A Lifetime I recently received a tweet from the Huffington Post about the myth of marriage for a lifetime. Honestly, I didn’t even open the link because I am so tired of hearing how impossible it is to stay married to someone. With that mindset, I can see why. When divorce is a constant option, it keeps the idea on the table and in the minds of married couples. Perhaps we need a reframe–why marriage for a lifetime is possible! 1.Explore Family Patterns and History探究家族模式和历史 Take time to explore family patterns and history before you marry. For example, it does matter if his father is an alcoholic. This means he grew up with specific interactional patterns that will need to be addressed because they will impact your relationship. It does matter if you have significant religious differences. It does matter if she does not get along with her mother. It does matter how he deals with conflict based on his original family, etc. Identifying family patterns and working on blending them makes a big difference. 2.Do Premarital Counseling婚前咨询 This helps to point out areas of vulnerability and strengths you have going in to the marriage. This way you can be intentional about change, accommodating one another and build on the positives. 3.Like Your Partner As A Friend能像朋友一样相处 When you strip away all the emotion and attraction feelings, do you like this person and want to spend time with him or her doing life? People can be very attracted to someone who would not make a good companion. Marital friendship is the building block of a strong marriage. 4.No Contract Required不需要合同 Make marriage a covenant(盟约), not just a contract(合同). Enter marriage with the idea that this is an unbreakable promise–that you will fight to stay together and work through your problems. Be committed to one another for the long haul. 5.Marital Counseling婚姻咨询 Go to marital counseling if the relationship begins to become more negative than positive. Don’t wait for years to get help. 6.Pray(祈祷) Pray for your relationship and each other. Prayer is underrated as a powerful weapon against divorce. 7.Pay Attention(给予关注) Pay attention to your partner on a daily basis. Dont’ take the person for granted. 8.Positive Reinforcement(积极的援助) Say positive things to your partner daily. The power of praise can’t be overstated in terms of the impact it has on a relationship. Criticism is the beginning of a downward spiral. 9.Don't Go To Bed Angry(不要让愤怒过夜) Solve issues immediately and don’t allow bitterness and unforgiveness to grow. 10.Keeping Things Fresh(保持新鲜) Do novel things to keep love alive. Too many couples get in a rut and become bored with their relationship. Novelty brings back feelings of love and keeps things fresh.