中式英语之鉴

中式英语之鉴 I. Unnecessary s 1. Unnecessary nouns and verbs 2. Unnecessary modifiers 3. Redundant twins 4. Saying the same thing twice 5. Repeated references to the same thing II. Sentence structure 1. The noun plague 2. Pronouns and antecedents 3. The placement of phrases and clauses 4. Dangling modifiers 5. Parallel structure 6. Logical connectives I. Unnecessary Words: nouns and verbs (bold font is unnecessary) to accelerate the pace of economic reform ) (受汉语“加快改革的步伐”的影响 there has been good harvests in agriculture (harvests肯定指农业上的) living standards for the people in both urban and rural areas continued to rise (for the people画蛇添足) we should adopt a series of measures to ensure that … (measures复数形式表达了“一系列”的概念) the development of our economy in the future will, to a large extent, depend on… (将来时态与in the future重复) following the realization of mechanization and electrification of agriculture (受汉语原文的影响:在实现了农业机械化和电气化之后) it is essential to strengthen the building of national defense (同样受汉语的影响:加强国防建设) these constitute important conditions in striving for the fulfillment of the general task in the transitional period (受汉语的影响:这些是努力完成转型时期总任务的重要条件) at that time the situation in northeast China was still one where the enemy was stronger than the people’s forces at that time the enemy was still stronger than the people’s forces in northeast China (受汉语影响:那个时期东北的形势依然是，敌人的势力比人民的力量还要强大) the key to the solution lies in the curtailment of expenditure the solution is to curtail expenditure (受汉语的影响:解决问题的关键在于缩减开支) a serious mistake in the work of planning (受汉语的影响:规划工作中的严重错误。“„„工作”这种表达在汉语中很常见， 如“校对工作”、“引水工作”，其实这里的“工作”是个category noun，应当不 译，类似的还有:promoting the cause of peaceful reunification促进和平统一事业; reforms in the sphere of the economy经济领域的改革;to ensure a relationship of close cooperation between … 确保双方紧密合作关系;we must oppose the practice of extravagance我们必须反对浪费行为;coupled with the factor of price instability 加之价格不稳定因素;) we must make an improvement in our work (unnecessary verb + noun) (we must improve our work) it is impossible for us to accomplish the transformation of the whole society overnight (受汉语的影响:完成„„变革。simply use transform;类似的还有:they should conduct a careful examination of … 开展„„检查;try to entice the Korean army to launch an attack against them发动进攻;to bring about a change in this state of affairs 产生变化;to implement the reform of the current system实施改革; until China realizes industrial modernization实现现代化;这些都可以用简单的动 词代替:examine, attack, change, reform, modernize) 在被动语态中也一样: solution to these problems can be found only through 改为these problems can be solved only through gain rationing was implemented grain was rationed 类似的动词词组有: to make an investigation of = to investigate to make a careful study of = to study carefully to make a decision to = to decide to to make a proposal that = to propose that to make efforts to = to try (to attempt) to to make an analysis of = to analyze to have a dislike for = to dislike to have trust in = to trust to have an influence on = to influence to have adequate knowledge of = to know enough about to have the need for = to need to have respect for = to respect to give guidance to = to guide to provide assistance to = to assist to carry out the struggle against = to struggle against to conduct reform of = to reform to engage in free discussion of = to discuss freely to achieve success in = to succeed in to accomplish the modernization of = to modernize to realize the transformation of = to transform to bring about an improvement in = to improve to place stress on = to stress to exercise control over = to control to register an increase = to increase three garrison divisions were necessary to perform the task of guarding warehouses (受汉语的影响:执行守卫仓库的任务。改为three garrison divisions were necessary to guard warehouses) we must assume the attitude of admitting what we do and do not know (受汉语影响:我们必须抱着„„态度。改为we must always admit …) it is especially necessary to make great efforts to assimilate the achievements of other culture. (受汉语影响:努力吸收„„类似的结构很多，都是“努力”+ 动词，这样译者 很自然地就译成上句这个样子。值得注意的类似的词语还有:make every effort to, try our best to, do our uttermost to, do everything possible to, strive to, endeavor to, work hard to) all enterprises must pay attention to promoting excellent workers (也是受汉语的影响:注意提拔， 注意 + 动词，值得注意的类似词语有:pay heed to, lay stress on, attach importance to, stress, emphasize) all enterprises must see to it that excellent workers are promoted. The CAAC has decided to start the business of advance booking (受汉语影响:开展„„业务) the efforts are all focused on the objective of effectively strengthening the vitality of large and medium-sized state-owned enterprises (受汉语的影响:精力全部集中在增强„„活力的目标上) the efforts are all focused on revitalizing … the main forces of the East China Field Army marched down south into the Henan-Anhui-Jiangsu plains in order to carry out the task of fighting on exterior lines. (汉语痕迹:为开展外线作战任务) 改为:to fight on exterior lines departments of scientific research should take steps to make a proper readjustment of … (汉语中一定是“采取措施，适当调整”之类的话，直接改为departments of scientific research should readjust …)(take steps to: empty introductory phrase; make a readjustment = readjust; it goes without saying that the readjustment should be “proper”) the national economic strength experienced the most rapid increase during this period (汉语中肯定是“经历了快速的发展”，译文受到汉语的影响) (experience increase = increase, grow)(economic strength = economy) We should continue to take measures to further improve regular education, adult education and on-the-job training programs. (take measures多余，further多余) 2. Unnecessary modifiers Redundant modifiers Advance forecast 超前预测 New innovations Mutual cooperation 双方的合作 Residential housing Positive guidance (正确领导) An unfortunate tragedy Financial revenue and expenditure 财政收支 A serious natural disaster 严重的自然灾害 A family relative A valuable ideological treasure 宝贵的思想财富 The economically developed country (developed就指“经济上的”) The final completion of construction 工程最后完成 The imports of foreign automobiles 国外汽车进口 The national economy国民经济 (the economy一般就是指国民经济) The long-term stability and prosperity of Hong Kong will be assured as long as China widely unites the Hong Kong people from all walks of life.(受汉语影响:广泛团结) The Chinese government took all possible eventualities into account when it made this policy decision. The Chinese government took all eventualities into account when … (an eventuality is a possible occurrence.) We should appropriately raise the purchasing prices of grain and cotton, so as to increase the income of the peasants considerably. 应当适当提高(appropriately是多 余的，因为we should always do everything “appropriately”) Various/a series of/all sorts of/various kinds of/ 这些都可以用复数名词表达; Redundant intensifiers An English text is better off without the intensifiers (adjectives and adverbs) For example: 特别重要:extremely important (poor); essential, imperative, vital, indispensable, crucial; 决心要:absolutely want (poor); be determined to, resolve to, be bent on, insist upon 可用may/might来代替perhaps, maybe, possibly Perhaps it will take a decade to accomplish this/it may take a decade to accomplish this Experts predict that the reduction of interest rates will lead to a possible loosening of credit this year/Experts predict that the reduction of interest may lead to a loosening of … Cliches 明显带有汉语痕迹的Chinglish: 艰巨的任务arduous tasks 艰苦努力painstaking efforts 正确理解correct understanding 大胆实验bold experiments 坚决有效的措施firm and effective measures 积极推广vigorously promote 积极发展energetically develop 坚定推行carry out unswervingly 认真学习study conscientiously 坚决实施resolutely enforce 绝大多数overwhelming majority 科学分析scientific analysis 适当调整appropriate readjustment 明确规定clearly defined 基本完成basically accomplished 逐步改进gradually improve 适当结合properly combine 进一步改革further reform 全面动员fully mobilize 坚决禁止firmly forbid 有人说汉语中的形容词和副词比英语的要多得多，尤其是在政府文件中，要是一 字不漏地全译，结果是没有达到强调的目的，太多的“very, fully, arduous, imperative, conscientiously, diligently, resolutely, energetically, vigorously, unswervingly, persistently, unremittingly”就意味着没有了强调。最好的译文就是 demanding, vigorous – intensive, further – renewed, 省去它们，或换词，如arduous – resolute – determined (look over Roget’s International Thesaurus or other dictionary of synonyms) Some people are worried whether China will abide by the agreement consistently. (受 汉语的影响，abide by就有consistently的意思) The decision also clearly set forth the basic principle, policies, and measures for the rectification. (decision, statement, definition, explanation etc.本来就该是明确的，无 须clearly) The editorial calls on the Chinese people to fully implement the CPC’s basic line, deepen reform and further opening to the outside, so as to further push forward the political, economic, and social development of the country in a steady way. (受汉语 影响，如“全面实施”(fully implement)，“进一步推进”(further push forward) The editorial calls on the Chinese people to implement the basic line of the CPC, deepen the reform, and promote the opening to the outside, so as to steadily push forward the political, economic, and social development of the country. The efforts to further deepen reforms, accelerate readjustment of the economic structure, and constantly promote scientific and technological progress and improve economic performance are all focused on the objective of effectively strengthening the vitality of large and medium-sized state-owned enterprises. (受汉语影响，原文 是:进一步深化改革，不断促进科技进步，有效地增强活力，“增强活力”strengthen the vitality of: unnecessary verb + noun，这样的结构应直接用一个动词revitalize 就可以了) The efforts to deepen reforms, accelerate readjustment of the economic structure, promote scientific and technological progress, and improve economic performance are all designed to revitalized large and medium-sized state-owned enterprises. The people as a whole are strongly dissatisfied with the phenomena of serious bureaucraticism and corruption. (as a whole多余，indignant, outraged by比strongly dissatisfied强，the phenomena of 是unnec. category noun，受汉语的影响:严重 的„„现象) All members of the Party should conscientiously, actively, and gladly plunge into the reform. (plunge这个词本来就包含有了actively, eagerly, conscientiously和gladly 的意思。) We shall unswervingly following a policy of opening to the outside world and actively increase exchanges with foreign countries on the basis of equality and mutual benefit. (actively多余) I hope you will sit down together to carefully study and discuss this question. (该为I hope you will sit down together to study this question. 受汉语的影响:我希望你们 坐下来，共同研究讨论这个问题。汉语中的“研究讨论”不能简单地译成“study and discuss”) In this way we can seize the favorable opportunity to raise the national economy to a new level. (In this way we can seize the opportunity to raise the economy to a new level.) 受汉语的“有利时机”的影响 Redundant twins fair and equitable公平平等 help and assistance views and opinions sentiments and feelings encourage and promote discuss and debate stir up and incite prudent and cautious firmly and resolutely ceaselessly and unremittingly坚持不懈 attentive and meticulous 认真细致 affluence and prosperity rough and bumpy fine and excellent interfere with and undermine 干扰破坏 promulgate and implement strengthen and improve加强和改进 discussions and deliberations skills and abilities setbacks and defeats errors and mistakes practices and customs troubles an problems trails and tests paths and routes divisions and splits functions and responsibilities shortcomings and weaknesses complaints an dissatisfactions introduce and put into effect The present boom of foreign investment in China has prompted the country to consider and eventually work out ways to use such investment more efficiently. (work out 就已经包含了consider 的意思) Efficient guidance by the government is especially important for a healthy and rational development of this industry in a socialist market economy. (healthy and rational健康合理的, rational就包括了healthy的意思) Saying the same thing twice No idea should be expressed twice in the same passage. Pay attention to the Chinese cliché patterns. Examples: An American banker can hardly say anything without at once restating it in other words. Thus, he refers to “unprecedented interest rates that set an all-time record.” He thanks stockholders for having “assisted us with their help.” And he reports that his institution has “continued to maintain success since the outset of our entry into the computer field.” A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls. If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure. We must practice economy and reduce unnecessary expenditures.(汉语中有这种 重复:厉行节约、减少不必要开支) We must be clear whether a mistake has really been made and if it has, we must be able to tell whether it is a major or a minor one and whether it is serious or not. (受汉语影响) In industrial production we should maintain a policy of safety first, with prevention of accidents as our main concern. We must arrive at the station on time in order to be punctual. We must further strengthen the building of national defense in order to enhance our defense strength. It is essential to control environment pollution so as to protect the environment. (受汉语影响:汉语中常常这样说:控制环境污染、保护环境) To increase soil fertility, we should promote widespread scientific application of fertilizer and greater use of farm manure. (我们应当推广科学施肥、大力使用农家 肥，以增加土地肥力)(这里，推广科学施肥、大力使用农家肥的目的就是增加 土地肥力，因此，没有必要重复to increase soil fertility)这句话等于像We must arrive at the station on time in order to catch the train. We should reduce taxes on enterprises so as to allow them to retain more of their profit and thus increase their financial capacity. (减轻税赋自然就有so as to后面的 结果，这是不言而喻的结果，不必spell it out) China’s socialist system of law has now basically established, so that the situation in which there were no laws has changed. (so that 后面多余) Financial expenditures should be arranged in order of priority, rather than be given equal status. We must continue to strengthen basic research and increase scientific and technological strength and staying power for future development. (我们应当继续 加强基础研究，增强科研实力和发展后劲。但译成英语之后，就出现上述重复。 “strength”和“staying power”是redundant twins;“strengthen basic research”和 “increase scientific strength”之间的关系是in order to，不是“and”，因此改为 To enhance our ability to make further advances in science and technology, we must continue to expand basic research. 1. Repeated references to the same thing II. Sentence structure 1. The noun plague 2. Pronouns and antecedents 3. The placement of phrases and clauses 4. Dangling modifiers 5. Parallel structure 6. Logical connectives