婚姻相处之道：沟通很重要

婚姻相处之道：沟通很重要 婚姻相处之道:沟通很重要 每个人都不能说自己对婚姻很有经验，每个人都有自己的感受，冷暖自知。比如有人喜欢被虐，不虐她还觉得对方不男人。有人就喜欢屈从，因为她根本没有主见，你让她拿个主意，没准要了她的亲命。所以接下来我们要谈的，你也不必太当真，因为我讲的再好，也未必适合你独特的婚姻样本。 我觉得人的一生面对两个重要的课:怎么过,跟谁过, 怎么过需要自我的反省，包含三个小问题:一是过去怎么过的。这句话好别扭，就是自我认知走过的路。二是现在怎么过的，现在的生活你满意吗，为什么满意或者不满意。第三个小问题是接下来怎么过。订个方向有个梦想，虽然以我的经验来看，人生基本都是撞大运。但有个方向的好处就是，你不至于总问这个问题，而且人生也不会总迷茫，也不会轻易被现实打败，因为你有个自己意淫出来的奔头，话糙理不糙，就是这个道理。 人生面对的第二个重大课题就是:跟谁过。这个问题就不是自己想想就好的，还要根据对方来做出判断。从最近给我留言的问题来看，这类问题占了80%以上，诸如另一半出轨了自己怎么办,自己爱的人不爱自己怎么办,有了孩子想离婚怎么办,异地恋是不是必须一方要放弃,这些问题看得我眼花缭乱，真是: 幸福的婚姻大致雷同，不幸的婚姻却各有各的逗比之处。 我以一个过来人的身份，充当一回心理医生，给你们提供几个观点。 1、婚姻不是药，恋爱的问题不要用婚姻来解决 其实很多人在走入婚姻前，就明显知道双方是不合适的，他们天真的以为，结婚了就好了，婚姻真的是解决不合适的药方吗,当然不是，婚姻是两个人合适的结果。 seal tape stuffing, white lead, after connecting to remove excess filler; 6, pipe installation to ensure that the reserved tee height 500 mm the construction is completed, and to ensure that water meter straight; risers vertical deviation, not more than 2 mm per metre, not more than ? 10 mm long; 7, after installation is complete, 1.0MPA water pressure test for strength and 0.6MPA hydraulic tightness Drainage installation drainage system using triage system in the interior design, into the sewage system, water system parts, riser by bonding of UPVC drainage pipe construction, transfer floor cast iron drainage pipes by centrifugal casting, clasp connection of buried pipeline using centrifugal casting iron pipe, socket socket connections, sealing of cement mortar. Diameter of DN100~DN150. Embedded stage of construction stage is divided into structural and piping installed. 1, submersible pumps installation: systems use submersible pumps of product certification and quality control technical documents. Submersible pump installation shall meet the following requirements: 1.1 location, elevation, the design requirements; 1.2 equipment integrity, damage and corrosion, pipe protection intact; turning flexible and no clean sound; 1.3-drive steering confirmation, direction compatible with the pump. Leveling should be based on the level of the pump cover, shaft protruding parts, base level work surface as the basis for measurement, longitudinal and transverse level deviation should not exceed 0.1%. 1.4 after the driving shaft and the driven shaft 如果恋爱时存在问题，你千万不要以为通过婚姻就可以解决。如果谈恋爱都感觉不舒服，那婚后会更不舒服。为什么,因为婚姻后会放大这种痛苦，比如洗碗做饭拖地整理房间，这些鸡毛蒜皮的事都会放大两个人的矛盾。 任何一段凑合的婚姻，最后都会演变成为一段悔不当初的未来。如果恋爱中你无法从对方那里发现自己的美好，那婚后定会是魔兽争霸的噩梦。 还有一个很傻的想法是，婚姻过不下去了，那就生个孩子解决吧。呃~干嘛要两次踏进同一个错误,用一个错误去解决另一个错误。 2、毛坯恋人，没有人是完美的 婚姻什么叫合适什么叫不合适,世界上又没有完全匹配的人。对啊，所以追求的应该是合适，而不是完美。 这个世界上不可能给你准备好一个人，全方位匹配。情投意合，严丝合缝，身上闪耀着你所有期待的特质，做梦吧。我倒是相信，这世界给你准备好了一个毛坯人，等待你去装修，只要长得基本符合期待，脾气大体喜欢，生活习惯大致不冲突。接下来就考验你化腐朽为神奇的能力了，总想换房大部分人没这个本钱啊。 那么问题来了，这个毛坯恋人，至少得有承重墙吧,呃~我认为有三个承重墙非常重要: 一是价值观，别扯什么世界观人生观了，太大太遥远，过日子用不到这个。价值观才是朝夕相处的关键，也就是对事物的基本道德判断。比如一个喜欢损人利已，一个喜欢大公无私，走到一起你想想会多么惨烈吧。 二是做爱的感受，一个性饥渴一个性冷淡就非常难办。总有人试图把爱与做-爱分开，没必要啊，本来做-爱就是爱情的一部分啊，两个人爱到深处，自然想缠绵。见过不少婚姻出问题，都是做-爱延伸出来的矛盾，俗话说一炮泯恩仇嘛。 seal tape stuffing, white lead, after connecting to remove excess filler; 6, pipe installation to ensure that the reserved tee height 500 mm the construction is completed, and to ensure that water meter straight; risers vertical deviation, not more than 2 mm per metre, not more than ? 10 mm long; 7, after installation is complete, 1.0MPA water pressure test for strength and 0.6MPA hydraulic tightness Drainage installation drainage system using triage system in the interior design, into the sewage system, water system parts, riser by bonding of UPVC drainage pipe construction, transfer floor cast iron drainage pipes by centrifugal casting, clasp connection of buried pipeline using centrifugal casting iron pipe, socket socket connections, sealing of cement mortar. Diameter of DN100~DN150. Embedded stage of construction stage is divided into structural and piping installed. 1, submersible pumps installation: systems use submersible pumps of product certification and quality control technical documents. Submersible pump installation shall meet the following requirements: 1.1 location, elevation, the design requirements; 1.2 equipment integrity, damage and corrosion, pipe protection intact; turning flexible and no clean sound; 1.3-drive steering confirmation, direction compatible with the pump. Leveling should be based on the level of the pump cover, shaft protruding parts, base level work surface as the basis for measurement, longitudinal and transverse level deviation should not exceed 0.1%. 1.4 after the driving shaft and the driven shaft www.yiaida.com 三是生活习惯，一个凌乱美一个洁癖帝就非常麻烦。否则真的会细节打败爱情。 有人说，那我没结婚前这些事我也不知道啊。钱钟书老先生不是早就给出了解决方案吗,来场婚前旅行呗。 婚前的旅行是非常必要的，这涉及彼此对人文地理的共鸣，涉及为人处事的态度，涉及对彼此差异的宽容，涉及消费支出的理念，涉及彼此发现美之后能否产生共振，涉及在旅途劳累后是否还有照顾对方的耐心。旅行结束，再决定要不要嫁给这个人。 但要注意，旅行过程中不要怀孕。 3、离婚还是不离婚，不要把孩子当借口 前两个问题都属于早期预防，有人说那我结婚了后发现不合适，我该怎么办，毕竟我们有个孩子。 呃，孩子是无辜的好吗,不要总让孩子来做你的理由和借口。 我并不认为婚姻维持久就是好，我也不嘲笑那些和平离婚的夫妻们，相反有时我钦佩他们的勇气。我有一位朋友，跟老公从决定离婚到办完手续两个小时搞定，然后自己带着孩子从北京搬到了上海，我问她怎么想的，她说:单亲家庭总比每天吵架的氛围好，而且爱已经没有了，我为什么要把自己的余生这样熬下去, 而且我发现一个有趣的现象，往往一个男人说要离婚，拖拖拉拉好几年了都没有实际行动。反而是一些女人要决定离婚，真的是快刀斩乱麻。可能，男人怕分财产吧，也可能女人真的是爱情的生物，没爱了，真不能凑合。 seal tape stuffing, white lead, after connecting to remove excess filler; 6, pipe installation to ensure that the reserved tee height 500 mm the construction is completed, and to ensure that water meter straight; risers vertical deviation, not more than 2 mm per metre, not more than ? 10 mm long; 7, after installation is complete, 1.0MPA water pressure test for strength and 0.6MPA hydraulic tightness Drainage installation drainage system using triage system in the interior design, into the sewage system, water system parts, riser by bonding of UPVC drainage pipe construction, transfer floor cast iron drainage pipes by centrifugal casting, clasp connection of buried pipeline using centrifugal casting iron pipe, socket socket connections, sealing of cement mortar. Diameter of DN100~DN150. Embedded stage of construction stage is divided into structural and piping installed. 1, submersible pumps installation: systems use submersible pumps of product certification and quality control technical documents. Submersible pump installation shall meet the following requirements: 1.1 location, elevation, the design requirements; 1.2 equipment integrity, damage and corrosion, pipe protection intact; turning flexible and no clean sound; 1.3-drive steering confirmation, direction compatible with the pump. Leveling should be based on the level of the pump cover, shaft protruding parts, base level work surface as the basis for measurement, longitudinal and transverse level deviation should not exceed 0.1%. 1.4 after the driving shaft and the driven shaft 我还有个朋友，离开了工作十年的公司，也结束了五年的婚姻，只身带着三岁的孩子从南方去了北京，租房子找幼儿园找工作重新拼搏。我问她:是什么让你做出这么有勇气的决定,她说:人生太短还有很多事情没有尝试，如果不试一把我肯定会后悔。我问:不累吗,她说:自己愿意就不累，虽然比之前忙了点，但特别充实。我瞬间被她励志了。 4、习惯就好，一切都是自己的选择 有人说，你说起来简单，但是我听过很多道理，依然离不了婚啊。 这也是一种生活态度，很久之前我就写过这样一篇文章，叫《人生中的选择》，人生就是自己的选择，然后自己负责。也有人觉得虽然我很想离婚，但我就是不离婚，就不离婚，就不离婚。 呃，那就不离呗，法律又没这规定。也见过很多夫妻，打打闹闹一辈子，最终也过的不错啊，这也是一种生活态度啊。还是我讲的第二点，底层结构没问题，凑合着过也挺好。比如我，就是现在就是这样。 我也没觉得结婚这十年后，每天都浪浪漫漫，每天都惊喜连绵。更多的感觉是:习惯了。因为习惯了，所以能接受彼此无关紧要的差异。 5、维系婚姻的关键，制造小浪漫 那婚姻该如何维系呢,我自己的体验是，有事没事多制造点快乐，苦中不仅要做爱，还要作乐。给婚姻生活制造一点小情趣。比如: 我老婆是个特别浪漫的人，有天半夜突然把我叫醒说:老公，你快来看，外面好多漂亮的星星。我刚站到窗边她就说:你帮我看着我的星星，我先去睡一觉。这还不算最浪(bian)漫(tai)的，后来连续七天睡到半夜都踢我说:快去看看我的星星还在不。直到我给她买了项链，这幸(bei)福(cui)的日子才结束。 seal tape stuffing, white lead, after connecting to remove excess filler; 6, pipe installation to ensure that the reserved tee height 500 mm the construction is completed, and to ensure that water meter straight; risers vertical deviation, not more than 2 mm per metre, not more than ? 10 mm long; 7, after installation is complete, 1.0MPA water pressure test for strength and 0.6MPA hydraulic tightness Drainage installation drainage system using triage system in the interior design, into the sewage system, water system parts, riser by bonding of UPVC drainage pipe construction, transfer floor cast iron drainage pipes by centrifugal casting, clasp connection of buried pipeline using centrifugal casting iron pipe, socket socket connections, sealing of cement mortar. Diameter of DN100~DN150. Embedded stage of construction stage is divided into structural and piping installed. 1, submersible pumps installation: systems use submersible pumps of product certification and quality control technical documents. Submersible pump installation shall meet the following requirements: 1.1 location, elevation, the design requirements; 1.2 equipment integrity, damage and corrosion, pipe protection intact; turning flexible and no clean sound; 1.3-drive steering confirmation, direction compatible with the pump. Leveling should be based on the level of the pump cover, shaft protruding parts, base level work surface as the basis for measurement, longitudinal and transverse level deviation should not exceed 0.1%. 1.4 after the driving shaft and the driven shaft www.yiaida.com 我老婆不仅浪漫，还给我很多选择的权利。 有天晚上老婆说要分担家务，就问我:洗碗跟拖地你选哪个,我说洗碗。洗完碗后老婆又问:洗小孩跟拖地你选哪个,我说拖地。拖完地老婆又问:洗衣服和洗小孩你选哪个,我说洗小孩。洗完小孩老婆又问我:洗衣服带小孩睡觉你选哪个,我说洗衣服。洗完衣服看到老婆和孩子睡着了，我忽然觉得好像哪里不对..... 小快乐，小情趣，小惊喜，是让婚姻保鲜的秘诀。为什么要费这个心呢,因为要过一辈子啊，讨好对方，就是不跟自己过不去啊。这句话说的多好，恩，是我说的。 6、脾气相投是关键长相是浮云 最后再说一点啊，总有人问我要跟一个长得好看的结婚，还是脾气相投的人结婚。 如果在长相和脾气相投之间选择结婚对象，我肯定选择脾气相投的人，因为一辈子太长，长相很快就不靠谱了，脾气相投太重要了。 否则在郁郁寡欢中相伴一生，会折寿的。 seal tape stuffing, white lead, after connecting to remove excess filler; 6, pipe installation to ensure that the reserved tee height 500 mm the construction is completed, and to ensure that water meter straight; risers vertical deviation, not more than 2 mm per metre, not more than ? 10 mm long; 7, after installation is complete, 1.0MPA water pressure test for strength and 0.6MPA hydraulic tightness Drainage installation drainage system using triage system in the interior design, into the sewage system, water system parts, riser by bonding of UPVC drainage pipe construction, transfer floor cast iron drainage pipes by centrifugal casting, clasp connection of buried pipeline using centrifugal casting iron pipe, socket socket connections, sealing of cement mortar. Diameter of DN100~DN150. Embedded stage of construction stage is divided into structural and piping installed. 1, submersible pumps installation: systems use submersible pumps of product certification and quality control technical documents. Submersible pump installation shall meet the following requirements: 1.1 location, elevation, the design requirements; 1.2 equipment integrity, damage and corrosion, pipe protection intact; turning flexible and no clean sound; 1.3-drive steering confirmation, direction compatible with the pump. Leveling should be based on the level of the pump cover, shaft protruding parts, base level work surface as the basis for measurement, longitudinal and transverse level deviation should not exceed 0.1%. 1.4 after the driving shaft and the driven shaft