不爱说话的原因（Reasons for not talking）

不爱说话的原因（Reasons for not talking） 不爱说话的原因(Reasons for not talking) [teacher] steel sub studio reporter compiled in April 27, 2010, Xiamen Hayman rhenium counseling agencies and steel sub studio director teacher counselor Zhang Jingang teacher by Xiamen radio and television station economic traffic "Chicken Soup for the soul" column invited to do a "treat on the person who does not talk how to do? Psychological analysis of. According to this title, Mr. Zhang made the following. I saw this subject and produced several ideas: 1, what kind of person is called a non - talkative person? 2, do not talk about the characteristics of how to form? 3, what are the advantages and benefits of people who don't talk? 4, what are the disadvantages and disadvantages of people who don't talk? 5. What do people who don't like talk feel to those around them? 6. How does a person who doesn't talk feel the people around him? 7, how to get along with people who don't like talking? Usually, one is not love to talk, mainly to see the man with the ability to speak, is the language expression without physical defects, the majority of people believe that in himself or in the sense that, when he needs to express the meaning and idea of language, he is not in the habit of talking. Or is not according to the mind to smooth expression; and in the most need to think his words, he is not able to be voluntary, autonomous, natural, habitual, smooth talking. I am here to emphasize two points: the first point is that most people think, not him think so; second, he may think so, but he has no way to act as he would like to express. And one more thing we need to pay attention to: what is speech for? It is an expression of inner feelings and thoughts, a tool for the conscious realization of the mind, as well as a means of communicating and communicating with people. The question is, do we have other, more effective and appropriate expressions for individuals than for most people, in addition to using language to express feelings, opinions, and even ideas? That is, when a person does not love to speak or not good at speaking, he is not like the others have no way to complete the "individual tasks by speaking to the expression of inner feelings, opinions and thoughts? Or is it possible that he would not be willing to say that? Perhaps he didn't think it was good for him to say it by talking, that is, not speaking, he was the best choice. The best choice for some individuals is not to speak, or to be said "not to speak". As a psychologist, Zhang Jingang was willing to believe it. Let's imagine that a person's early experience of these scenes follows: 1, when he / she was a child, he was very willing to express ideas and needs, to their parents and family relatives but, if the child is always needed by family because of the expression of criticism and opposition, so the child will have an idea of the unconscious: expression is needed not good, will be punished; 2, he may be very small, very willing to express their opinions and ideas, but rarely receive relatives and family response, so the child will be the expression of desire "to respond and concern" indifferent child phagocytosis, this concept in the unconscious, and the expression is I need not to be needed and no value. 3, there may be a time when children speak a language or in the unconscious harm suffered a "sparking", then linked to children's ability of expression, is the child in the heart of "talking" had some bad cognition and feeling, since the influence of language expression the ability and desire; 4, there may be in the family, parents are wordless, parents or one of which is not good at conversation, so the child may be affected by the talkative parents in the learning behavior and character recognition, a recognition of the unconscious child: do not speak is safe, or feel "know the words, but when the key is just do not know what to say, is the child's heart did not talk much of the model, in spite of his education and the level of consciousness that: it should be said, but did not know what to say, this is a conflict mode. In addition to the formation of several common causes I listed above, I think there must be other special causes a person "don't speak" or "small talk", but it is sure that when a person does not love to talk, talk less when the formation of personality, the representation must be of conservation significance or, for the individual itself, individual inside will think talk is not safe; or simply that: a part of individual spirit inherent inside, very strong individual need less to speak or not to speak of it, the individual as a whole person, sometimes involuntarily. But what if the child wants to express his inner thoughts and needs without speaking? The sounds and feelings within are bound to be expressed by individuals in other ways, and such a flexible way of expression is equally independent of the individual, and there are so many ways of expression: 1, through the body language, and the eyes and facial expressions to express, when the human language expression function is blocked, other expression function will be specially developed; 2, there is another situation, is cold and exhausted, when a body in the early part of the inside need expression is blocked, the individual may think that everything can be revealed; the way information is not good, then you will find a "silent" and stiff, which is the internal after a long time of conflict between the results of individual depression. In general, men are more strongly expressed in this respect than women, and this is also a form of strong oppositional reverse expression that has been prevented by the individual since the early expression has been blocked - and if you do not let me, I will not speak at all. 3, and the other is the result of social cognitive interventions: men are generally less talkative than women. When men talk too much, they tend to be regarded as less nagging and trivial than men. More often, men take action to solve problems. Women rely on their mouths to solve problems. Men think simple is best, slowly come to think that all women farmers understand what was going on. As a result, in both men and women, it is often the woman who keeps saying, "men are constantly silent, and when asked, men start smoking or running away.". On the whole, people who do not speak, feel rich and meticulous. Not to speak, but less to communicate with the voice of the outside world, does not mean that the internal voice less. He has a lot of small inner language, constantly communicating and communicating with each other. So, not good at words, the heart is more sensitive, look at things in a more stable, with integrity, he often does, "". Many words are there to accumulate, accumulation, inner inside of a thing repeated pondering, until suddenly one day, or a moment, he will be concise, or very explosive to complete his foreign exchange, often make people around not meet. Of course, it may be because of the long time no expression, and produce a strong attack, a word of content carrying capacity is too much, to the outside world can not bear the pressure. People who do not speak often show their feelings to those around them: 1, difficult to communicate, or more boring feeling; 2, I can't guess what he is thinking about, which makes it difficult to get close to him; 3, the information sent can not be effectively feedback, with such a get along very tired. 4, relatively sophisticated and calm, a lot of thought. At the same time, the person who does not talk, but such feelings to people around: first, the envy of others can always freely, have good expression ability, such people are often not very good language but want to express the people; second, others feel very bothersome, too many, this is the male to female general feeling; third, often in the not to say, how to say the conflict, the people suffered some damage control in expression ability. To get along with people who don't like talking, the first thing is to distinguish between superficial and real reasons that do not love the speaker's words, and then sit for judgment and take countermeasures. For that man speak very much, do not force him to speak, he always go beyond that, thick lines concise and comprehensive, description, you should learn to feel his words mean, then the patience exchange and ask you do not understand, but can not blame him; second, to feel not safe to speak of the people, don't patience and care, encourage and guide him to express as far as possible, he will say something more; third, to want to say, but don't know what to say. You have to learn to guide him, ask slowly, find his thoughts, and help him to express himself. In addition to helping people communicate with each other, this approach can also be helpful in communicating with children. Author: Xiamen psychological counselor Zhang Jingang (steel child teacher)