乌鸡白风丸具有补气养血doc☆☆☆☆☆

乌鸡白风丸具有补气养血doc☆☆☆☆☆ 周哲欣 何琛 黎晓燕 IBM 031 乌鸡白风丸具有补气养血，调经止带之功效，主治气血两虚引起的身体瘦弱(指虚弱， 并不指瘦)、腰酸腿软、阴虚(原因)盗汗(症状)，经血不调，子宫虚寒(,)、行经腹 痛、崩漏带下(重复)、产后失血等症。 方中专饲专供的纯种优质乌鸡，补肝肾、养气 血(重复)，养阴退热之功效显著。全方配伍，药性平和，不寒不躁(即平和也～)，最适 合(“最”得没道理，难道比较适合的是男士,)妇女补血调经之用，尤其是在透达血分 虚热方面功效更为显著。 原译:The WUJI BAIFENG BOLUS has the effect of invigorating the vital energy and nourishing blood, regulating menstruation and stopping leucorrhea. It is suitable for treatment of symptoms caused by deficiency of both the vital energy and blood, such as weakness and leanness, lassitude in the loins and knees, night sweat due to insufficiency of refined materials in the viscera, irregular menstruation( repetition!), asthenia-cold of uterus, dysmenorrhea, leukorrhagia and postpartum bleeding. The silky fowl,in the prescription is specially bred and supplied, quality and purebred, which, which has the remarkable effect on nourishing the liver ad kidney, invigorating the vital energy and blood, nourishing the refined materials in the viscera and clearing away pathogenic heat. The medicine, with even property, neither cold nor dry, is most suitable for nourishing blood and regulating menstruation (repeated for 3 times) in women, especially efficacious on expelling pathogenic heat due to deficiency from blood system. 解析: 背景:乌鸡白凤丸系明代龚廷贤所著《寿世保元》中乌鸡丸的加减方，由乌骨鸡(去 毛和内脏)鳖甲、牡蛎、人参、黄芪、丹参、当归、白芍、川芎、生地、熟地、甘草、香 附、鹿角胶、鹿角霜、银柴胡等20味中药制成。方剂中乌鸡是主药。该方有益气补血、 调经止带之功效，用于月经不调、崩漏带下、闭经、闭经后阴道炎、子宫肌瘤、慢性盆 腔炎、附件炎、卵巢功能低下、青春期功能性子宫出血、产后低热及恶露不尽、产后出 血、乳汁不足、人工流产后综合征、不孕、更年期综合症等症状和疾病。近年来，一系 列针对乌鸡白凤丸药理成份、药理作用的基础研究及临床运用的探索，逐渐改变了其单 一妇科的用药局面，新用法不断涌现。 问1:产品译名 (1)我们先从产品中文名称进行分析。该丸剂的主药为乌鸡，而按照中国文化习惯，“乌” 多与贬义或不祥意象联系。我们认为，造名者利用乌鸡羽毛洁白这一特性及以凤喻鸡的 修辞手法在“乌鸡”后进行添加，巧妙地用“白”字的光亮削弱了“乌”字的不祥，用“凤”字的 高贵遮蔽了“鸡”字的低微，药名使人容易联想到女性，贴合其妇科用药的特性。按照西 方文化习惯，“白凤”二字纯属重复，且文化意义不大，因此我们将其略去，只保留主药“乌 鸡”。部分翻译工作者将其译为black-bone chicken，我们也认为欠妥。Chicken指小鸡， 而入药的乌鸡却不一定都是小鸡，上述翻译把主药的选材范围缩减了，容易引起国外读 者误会。故此，我们使用“乌鸡”的学名black-bone silky fowl，让译名更为专业，贴合药 品宣传的特性。 (2)由于该药药名在中国国内独一无二，家喻户晓。出于方便外贸交流、信息传播及保 护中国文化特色的原因，我们认为有必要在译名后附上汉语拼音名称。综上所述，产品 译名为Bolus of Black-Bone Silky Fowl (WuJi BaiFeng Wan)。 (3)中文中说的许多术语如“阴虚，补气”等对英文读者是十分陌生，所以我们采取意 译，然后在括号里加上该中文术语的英文拼音。 问题2:信息重复 (1)“具有补气养血，调经止带之功效”、“主治气血两虚……经血不调……. 崩漏带下”、“方中专饲专供的……养气血”以及“最适合妇女补血调经之用”、“透达血分虚热”四处出现了信息重复。 , 我们认为，由“主治”引起的内容十分详尽，完全可以取代“具有补气养血，调经止带 之功效”这一句(仅仅起概括作用，为亢余信息)。 , “方中专饲专供的……养气血”这一部分传达的主要信息为入药乌鸡为专门饲养，药效 得以保证。至于乌鸡有些什么疗效，可以考虑另外列出。 , “最适合妇女补血调经之用”情况与上述类似，关键信息为最适合作为补血调经之用， 所以由此带出的药品疗效可以略去。 (2)“阴虚盗汗”、“养阴退热”和“透达血分虚热”三处出现了信息重复。 我们认为，这三处传递了同一个信息，就是“滋阴”和“去血热”，其实质跟“养气补血”一样，所以可以统一处理，并入其他部分。 (3)“身体瘦弱”,这里指的是身体虚弱，并不是瘦，而译文中的“leaness”意思是without much flesh, thin and fit,是一种健康的瘦，与文中的身体虚弱不符，因此此处“leanness”应该删掉。 问题3:用词、用语不当 (1)has the effect of +v-ing。是明显的Chinglish，属于unnec verb.+ unnec noun+ the third verb.。 (2)the silky fowl in the prescription。处方中并没有一只乌鸡，仅仅是乌鸡经加工过后的精华。因此In应该改为for。 (3)medicine。Medicine用于西药，而乌鸡白凤丸是中成药，且为非处方药。应该改为herbal remedy。 (4)neither cold nor dry。不寒不燥指的是药品被服用后对人体内“气”的影响，并不是指药品本身的温度,用cold和dry明显意思有误。应改为moderate effect to human body。 (5)is most suitable for。“最”字带来不必要的预设。该药主要供女士服用，尽管网上部分药品信息明乌鸡白凤丸对男子某些病症也有显著疗效，但是从本文角度看，其产品针对顾客为女性,所以略去。Most此词在这里修饰的应该是功效，指补血调经方面作用显著，文中并没有把它和其它功效作比较，所以可以应该把most 改为 especially 之类的强调词。 (6)文中menstruation(月经)和leucorrhea(白带)为妇女正常生理现象，而“menoxenia(月经不调)”和“leukorrhagia(白带过多)”才是症状正确译法。译文中“regulate”和“menstruation”, “stop”与“白带”搭配不当，应该改为treat menoxenia and leukorrhagia。 问题4:内容增减 (1)译文开始部分应该加入药物的general introduction，可以将后文述说的病症统称为“妇女病”，并将“适合妇女补血调经之用”这信息点放在前面，起到总起作用。 (2)由于中文原文出现多处信息重复(见问题2)，因此采取逐项说明的格式进行翻译，分别加入About the product, Ingredient, 和Effects几个栏目，尽量简明地把问题说清。 Revision: About the product: Bolus of Black-Bone Silky Fowl (Wu Ji Bai Feng Wan) is a traditional herbal remedy for gynaecologic problems as well as a dietary supplement for women. Ingredients: The product is prescribed with herbs of even property, which has moderate effect to human body. The black-bone silky fowl for the prescription, specially bred and selected, can nourish the liver and kidney, nurture viscera (yin) and clear away pathogenic heat. Effects: {在英语中“药效”或“主治”宜译为 action，即“一物对另一物的作用”} It can invigorate the vital energy (qi), nourish blood，treat menoxenia and leukorrhagia. It can relieve symptoms caused by deficiency of both the vital energy and blood, including weakness, lassitude in loins and knees, night sweet due to insufficiency of refined materials in viscera (yin), asthenia-cold of uterus, dysmenorrhea and postpartum bleeding. [何琛组] Scores: 96 *************************** 修改稿: The WUJI BAIFENG BOLUS, with a quite mild property, has the effect of invigorating the vital energy and nourishing blood, regulating menstruation and normalizing leucorrhea. It is suitable for treatment of symptoms caused by deficiency of both the vital energy and blood, such as weakness, lassitude in the loins and knees, night sweat?{perspiration}, dysmenorrheal, leukorrhagia and postpartum bleeding. 修改理据: 1. The WUJI BAIFENG BOLUS, with a quite mild property, has the effect of invigorating the vital energy and nourishing blood, regulating menstruation and normalizing leucorrhea. 理由:stop改为normalize(不能用stop,因白带是妇女正常的生理现象) 2. It is suitable for treatment of symptoms caused by deficiency of both the vital energy and blood, such as weakness, lassitude in the loins and knees, night sweat, dysmenorrheal, leukorrhagia and postpartum bleeding. 理由:去掉原文中的"and leanness",因为此处指虚弱,并不是指瘦。 去掉"due to insufficiency of refined materials in the viscera",因前面已指出了导致" 夜汗"的原因是"气血两虚",故无须再重复"阴虚" 去掉irregular menstruation,与前面重复了 去掉asthenia-cold of uterus,这个词是中医的术语,外国人无法理解,故去掉. 3. The medicine, with even property, neither cold nor dry, is most suitable for nourishing blood and regulating menstruation in women, especially efficacious on expelling pathogenic heat due to deficiency from blood system. 理由:这一句讲的是本药的药性以及说明药物作用，为了使得英语说明结构比较明了， 所以将其调整至前面和其他功用放在一起,并去掉"with even property, neither cold nor dry" 表达错误,易引起误解, "is most suitable for nourishing blood and regulating menstruation"重 复了三次了. [韦涛组] Comments: Your version provides a concise and clear description of the action of the product by deleting those repeatitive, irrelevant and technique terms featuring Chinese medicine. And your motivations for revisions are convincing. Scores: 92 ********************************** 商管031班 金真真 彭曦 王晶晶 吴广 产品说明书翻译: 乌鸡白风丸具有补气养血，调经止带之功效，主治气血两虚引起的身体瘦弱(指虚弱， 并不指瘦)、腰酸腿软、阴虚(原因)盗汗(症状)，经血不调，子宫虚寒(,)、行经腹 痛、崩漏带下(重复)、产后失血等症。 方中专饲专供的纯种优质乌鸡，补肝肾、养气血(重复)，养阴退热之功效显著。全方配 伍，药性平和，不寒不躁(即平和也～)，最适合(“最”得没道理，难道比较适合的是男 补血调经之用，尤其是在透达血分虚热方面功效更为显著。士,)妇女 原译:The WUJI BAIFENG BOLUS has the effect of invigorating the vital energy and nourishing blood, regulating menstruation and stopping leukorrhea. It is suitable for treatment of symptoms caused by deficiency of both the vital energy and blood, such as weakness and leanness, lassitude in the loins and knees, night sweat due to insufficiency of refined materials in the viscera, irregular menstruation( repetition!), asthenia-cold of uterus, dysmenorrhea, leukorrhagia and postpartum bleeding. The silky fowl,in the prescription (处方子中有竹丝 鸡?)is specially bred and supplied, quality and purebred, which, which has the remarkable effect on nourishing the liver ad kidney, invigorating the vital energy and blood, nourishing the refined materials in the viscera and clearing away pathogenic heat. The medicine(西药), with even property, neither cold nor dry ( 该药本身既不是寒冷的也不是干燥的), is most suitable for nourishing blood and regulating menstruation ( repeated 3 times) in women, especially efficacious on expelling pathogenic heat due to deficiency from blood system. [源 自某厂家产品英汉对照说明书] Revised version: The WUJI BAIFENG BOLUS has the effect of replenishing qi and blood, regulating menstruation and arresting excessive leucorrhea. It is also suitable for treatment of symptoms caused by deficiency of the vital energy and blood, such as general debility and lassitude, soreness of the waist and knees, night sweat{perspiration} due to deficiency of yin, asthenia-cold of uterus, dysmenorrhea, leucorrhea, and postpartum bleeding. The purebred black bone chicken, the main ingredient of the bolus, has the remarkable effect on nourishing the liver and kidney. With its mild nature, the WUJI BAIFENG BOLUS is beneficial to women, especially efficacious to harmonize the blood system. 译文修订理据: 1. 关于介绍调养气血的词语在文中出现了三次:regulating menstruation, nourishing blood, invigorating the vital energy and blood,我们仅保留一个以示简洁. 2. Stopping leukorrhea的表达不符合医学常理,因而不正确, 我们用arrest来修饰leukorrhea. 3. 文中"身体瘦弱"实指的是虚弱,因此weakness and leanness表达不准确,我们用general debility and lassitude 4. 处方子中没有竹丝鸡,"专饲专供的纯种优质乌鸡"为原文表达,但对乌鸡的修饰成分冗繁,我们用" purebred black bone chicken"表达,简洁明了. 5. 中医讲求"阴阳","热","寒",而外国人没有相关知识不能理解,因此我们去掉"heat","cold"的描述,采用无须相关文化背景便可明了的表达. 6. “成分”一词的比较: 某事物的)组成部分;成分。 component 零部件;( Tires, the engine, the body, and the seats are component of a car.轮胎，引擎，车身以及坐椅都是一辆汽车的零部件。 element 元素;组成部分，方面;某特定类型的人或群体，分子。 The elements hydrogen and oxygen combine to form water.氢元素和氧元素构成了水。 He belongs to a bad element in this city.他属于这个城市的坏分子。 factor 因素，要素，侧重指原因。 Endurance is an important factor in success in sports.耐力是体育比赛成功的一个重要因素。 ingredient 原料，成分，要素。 Flour, milk, butter and yeast are some ingredients in bread.面粉、牛奶、黄油和酵母是做面包的一些原料。 据比较得知，ingredient最合适。 Scores: 94 ********************* 修改理据: (1) 原文中第一句描述该药的功效和主治症状。该药能治疗所述疾病是由于它具有特定功 效，因此功效和主治症状之间是因果关系，可以用with介词短语带出功效。 (2)主治症状中，“阴虚”和“子宫虚寒”并不是显现的症状，应该删去。而前面已经说明了乌鸡白凤丸具有调经止带之功效，所以“经血不调”和“崩漏带下”是重复的，应该去掉。(3)“专饲专供”在句中显得拖沓，应去掉;乌鸡即是竹丝鸡，所以此处可以用silky fowl (4)“不寒不躁”与“平和”重复，“最适合妇女补血调经之用”在逻辑上显得多余，皆 应去掉。 (5)“透达血分虚热”晦涩难懂，且与前面提到的内容有重叠之嫌，应去掉。 整理后的译文如下: With the function[,]{action}of invigorating the vital energy, nourishing blood, regulating menstruation and stopping leucorrhea, the WUJI BAIFENG BOLUS treats such symptoms as weak constitutions, lassitude in the loins and knees, night sweating, asthenia-cold of uterus, dysmenorrheal, and postpartum bleeding. Among its ingredients, the silky fowl has mild property and medical effect of nourishing the liver and kidney, nourishing the refined materials in the viscera and clearing away pathogenic heat. [郑纯组] Scores: 93 ******************************* 修订译文:The WUJI BAIFENG BOLUS is effective in invigorating the vital energy and nourishing blood(1). It is suitable for treatment of symptoms caused by deficiency of both the vital energy and blood, such as weakness and debility(2), lumbago and lassitude of the legs(3), night sweat[,] due to (4), asthenia-cold of uterus, dysmenorrheal, postpartum bleeding, etc. The black-bone chicken(5), one of the drug[,] ingredients(6), is specially bred and supplied[U], quality and purebred[Re], which has a remarkable effect on nourishing the liver and kidney, invigorating the refined materials in the viscera and clearing away pathogenic heat. With even property(7), this Chinese herbal medicine(8) is ideal for nourishing blood, regulating menstruation and stopping leukorrhea in women(9), especially efficacious on expelling pathogenic heat due to deficiency from blood (10) 修订理据: (1) 原文中三次提到该药“调经止带”“养气血”等，本着简明扼要和突出信息的原则， 省略前两处，一起放在文尾处提出，既避免重复，又起到强调突出其主要功效的作用。 (2) 原文“身体瘦弱”是指“虚弱”，而非“纤瘦”，故不宜用“leanness”，改用“debility”。 (3) 原文“腰酸腿软”改译为“lumbago and lassitude of the legs”，更符合中医表达。 (4) 随着英语的发展，英语中已用Yin 表达对应的中文“阴” (5) 原文中“乌鸡”改译为“the black-bone chicken”。尽管竹丝鸡也就是乌鸡，为了规范 起见，改译为“the black-bone chicken” (6) 原文中“方中……的乌鸡”不是说药方中有乌鸡(in the prescription)，而是乌鸡是药 中成分之一，故将“the silky fowl in the prescription”改译为“the black-bone chicken, one of the drug ingredients”。 (7) 原文中“不寒不躁”即指“药性平和”，故省略“不寒不躁”的翻译。 (8) “medicine”多指西药，为突出说明乌鸡白凤丸属中药性质，译出“this Chinese herbal medicine”。 (9) 此处将该药“调经止带滋养气血”等特别针对女性的突出药效一并提出，避免重复， 突出强调，且用“is ideal for”代替原译文“is the most suitable for”，避免歧义。 (10) “血分虚热”应该指血液本身，而不是血液系统(并不含血管，心脏这些够成血液循 环系统的组织，器官)，故改为blood。[彭乐力、周轩、谭川川、吴晓苹] Scores: 91