英语舞台剧剧本，五到十分钟

《孔雀东南飞》(英文搞笑话剧) ——金科 Wanders every five miles 焦仲卿Johnny(J for short) 刘兰芝 Lunch(L for short) 焦母Johnny’s mother(JM for short) 刘母 mother(LM for short) Lunch’s 太守之子Mayor’s son(MS for short) 强 盗Burglars(AB and C) Prologue (J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被 打中,狼狈不堪) J: Everybody says that I’m hen pecked, but in fact, I’m as strong as a tiger,(小声)while my wife is WuSong. (指着上台处的门大声道)I’m not afraid of you! (内砸出一脸盆,,接住当成盾牌护着 头)Then, I’m afraid of whom? My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood. She is braver than me, smarter than me and stronger than me. All this I do not care.I only want her to be tender than me. But she is not! Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell! As you see , people live around here all said that I am not a man. Yes, I am not a man, I am a handsome man.(手撩头发做臭美状) (内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J) My God! Who can help me?(下) Act1 (序幕结束时,JM作窃听状) JM(拄拐棍上):I can! (对门内)Lunch! Lunch! Where are you? L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’m here! What’s up mum? JM: I’ve told you again and again that you should call me― my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law‖. L: OK. My most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law,what’sup? (口气很不 情愿) JM: Since you married my son you have behaved so badly. You have been so rude, so brusque, so lazy…… L: But…… JM:Never interrupt me! L: Never interrupt me!(手势) Since I married your son, that terrible Johnny(语气重 点头), I have been working hard all day long, cooking and washing. I have raised(掰手指头 数) ten soft hous and sof pigs and ducks and chicken and…… JM: But all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson! L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh, you want a grandson, don’t you?(开始解围裙)Go and ask your son. I’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的 脸上,下) Act2 (LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上) L: Mum, I’m back! LM:(惊讶睁大眼) You are back? Why? What happened? L: I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.(怨愤抱 拳在胸前) LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神 情):See! (手指向兰芝)I have already told you!(咳嗽两声) When you insisted on marrying that terrible Johnny,(咳) I told you that he is ugly stupid and poor, but you did not listen to me. Look at yourself…… (咳咳咳) L: But, mum…… (很委屈温声细语) LM: Never interrupt me! L: Mum, I’m not interrupting you. I just want to tell you that you are always right OK? And I’ll marry whom ever you want me to LM(大喜):Nice girl!(竖大拇指)Just now, I met the mayor`s son in the market. He said:―If your daughter haven’t been married, I really really want to marry her!‖ Now you are free again, I’ll go and tell him.(下) L(惊愕):What? (手捂下巴)The mayor`s son? The most famous play boy in the neighbor-hood?(手中的锅铲掉在地上)What a silly thing I have done! No, I will not marry a man like that!(扭身子撒娇) LM: But he is really handsome… L: ...ok, go ahead! Act3 (J睡眼惺忪上) J(边走边道):Lunch! Lunch! Where are my socks? (走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Here they are!(闻一下) Er! How smelly! They are still dirty! (突然想起)Lunch has gone! I have to wash them myself. (他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh, I’m so hungry! But there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的 围裙)This is what Lunch always wears! I miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! Now she has gone. I have to cook for my mother and myself. JM(上):Where’s my breakfast? Where’s Lunch? Hasn’t she got up yet? J: Mum, can’t you remember? Lunch has gone! (手揉眼哭) JM(沉吟片刻):Well, to tell you the truth a son without a wife is useless. Lunch Johnny, is a nice girl, go and take her back! J(立正敬礼):Yes madam! Act4 (J开心地走着(慢跑状步行)，忽然跳出 来三个强盗) J往后一跳，手放下巴下面 A: Hey you!(指J) Stop and listen to us! (指自己胸口) The road is built by me!(单手人猿泰山状 抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上) B: And I planted one tree!(竖食指做1状， 亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上) C: If you want to go by this street---(欲踩 石头，但踩到了A的脚) AB&C: Give us all your money! (齐伸手) J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出,角硬币):Is 1mao enough? (三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量) A: What bad luck! This guy is broken! B: If we can not rob any money today, we will have nothing to eat tonight! C:I heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry Miss LiuLanzhi next month. We can go and rob the wedding! A&B: Good idea! J(惊讶):What? What? Lunch is going to get married? It’s impossible! AB&C:Why? A pretty girl and a rich man,what a good couple! J:But Lunch is my wife! We haven’t got divorced yet! (突然有了主意)I’ve got an idea! You are don’t you? I’ll go going to rob the wedding, with you. You take the money and I take the bride. B: Have you got any experience? J: No. But I’ve got this!(J脱下鞋子从里面 摸出一张支票，上书,,，,,,，,,, 强盗头头念出来) Act5 (转眼已到了婚礼之期(MS意气风发用红 绸牵着新娘上，L盖着红盖头极不情愿地被 拉上台) L(to her mother): Dont you say he is handsome? (委屈状手放下巴) LM: no! I just say he has some hands.. (J和三强盗跃至台中) ABC&J: Hey you! Stop and listen to us! A: The road is built by me! B: And I planted one tree. C: If you want to go by this street--- J: Give us all your money!(张开怀抱) (L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头) L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J， 拥抱，并躲到了J的身后，J做老母鸡张翅 状护住) (MS大怒，挥拳向J打来(J矮身一躲，MS 打中了J身后的L，L晕倒) J(火冒三丈):How dare you beat my wife!(挥 拳向MS冲去) (J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS) (J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前) J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey ,how are you? L(哭状):I hurt a lot! J: Don’t cry baby. I’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下) L(起身去追):Wait for me! (跑下) (音乐起 Can You Celebrate)