英语幽默故事

英语幽默故事 Big Head “All the kids make fun of me”the boy cried to his mother.“They say I have a big head” “Don't listen to them.”his mother comforted him.“You have a beautiful head .Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes” “Where's the shopping bag?” “I haven't got one,use your hat.” 大脑袋 “所有的孩子都拿我开玩笑，”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说:“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。” “别听他们的，”他妈妈安慰说:“你的脑袋长得很漂亮。好了，别哭了，去商店买 10磅土豆来。” “购物袋在哪,” “我没有购物袋，就用你的帽子吧。” Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了,” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再 给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢,” “她是个卖糖果的。” Where is the father? Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings. "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!" "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?" The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures." 父亲在哪儿, 兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。 “看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀～” “是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢,” 哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道:“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。” Our Tails 我们的尾巴 The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?" "I'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.". 教进化论的老师已经滔滔不绝地讲了快两个小时，他的话题又来了:“让我向进 如果我们曾经像狒狒那样长着尾巴，那么现在尾巴到哪里去化论者提个问题—— 了,” “我来试试看，”一位老太太说。 “该是我们在这里坐这么久把它们磨掉了吧。” I'm Trying to Stop It "Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?" "No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it." “孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵,它感染了吗,” “没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出， 所以我要把它堵在里面。” “I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .” “Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!” “Yes ，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .” “对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。” “20美元～为什么,不是说好只要4美元。” “是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。” Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!" 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄， 老是有提不完的问题。 他向父亲发问道:“爸爸，„醉?字是什么意思,” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个， 那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀～” Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄 悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客 人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说:“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪,” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。