被拒之后

被拒之后 by D´Arcy Lyness 翻译:芥子 Harry Potter was rejected, So were Bella andEdward. lf authors J.K. Rowling and Stephenie Meyerhadn´t kept trying with pubfisher after publisher, we´d allhave missed out on some great adventures. Life is about going for things. And when we do,rejection is aiways a possibility. Rejection doesn´t have to be about the big stu仟 likenot getting into your top college, or not getting asked toprom[班级舞会] Everyday situations can lead to feelingsof rejection, too, like if your joke didn´t get a laugh, if noone remembered to save you a seat at the lunch table,or if the person you really like talks to everyone but you. But being rejected doesn´t mean someone isn´tliked, valued, or important. It just means that one time,in on. e situation, with one person, things didn´t work out. Rejection hurts. But it´s impossible to avoid italtogether. People who become too afraid ofrejection might hold back from going after something theywant. Sure, they avoid rejection, but they´re als0 100%guaranteed to miss out on what they want but won´t tryfor. The better we get at dealing with rejection, the lessit affects us. So how can you build that ability to cope?Here are some ideas: Be Honest Coping well with rejection involves working with twothings: how you feel and what you think. Let´s start with feelings: If you get rejected,acknowledge[承认] it to yourself. Don´t try to brushoff[刷掉,漠视] the hurt or pretend it´s not painful. Insteadof thinking “I shouldn´t feel this way,” think about how normal it is to feel like you do, given your situation. Notice how intense your feelings are. Did thisrejection upset you a lot? Or just a little? Cry if you wantto-it´s a natural way to release emotion. Now, move on to name what you´re feeling. Forexample: “I feel really disappointed that I didn´t getchosen for the school play. I wanted it so badly, and Itried so hard. I feel left out because my friends made itand I didn´t.” If you want, tell someone else what happened and how you feel about it. Pick someone who will listen andbe supportive. Be Positive[积极的] When you´re dealing with a painful emotion like rejection, it´s easy to get caught up in the bad feeling. But dwelling on the negative” stuff can feel likeliving the experienceover and over again. Not only does it keephurting, it becomes harder to get past therejection. So admit howyou feel but don´tdwell on it. Avoidtalking or thinkingabout it nonstop,Why? Negativethinking influencesour expectations and how we act. It certainly doesn´t inspire a person to tryagain. Examine Your Thought Soundtrack Now on to what you think: consider how you´re explaining the rejection to yourself. Are you being too hard on yourself? lt´s natural to wonder, “Why did thishappen?” When you give yourself an explanation, be careful to stick to the facts. Tell yourself: “I got turned down for prom because the person didn´t want to go with me.” Don´t tell yourself:”I got turned down because l´m not attractive” or “l´msuch a foser.” These aren´t facts. If put-downthoughts like these start creeping into your mind, shutthem down. Self-blaming or put-down thinking can exaggerate[夸大]our faults and lead us to believe stuff that simply isn´ttrue. If you start blaming yourself for the rejection orput yourself down, you can start believing you´II alwaysbe rejected. Thoughts like,“I´ll never get a date” or “noone will ever like me” amplify a simple rejection todisaster level. Rejection can hurt a lot and can beterribly disappointing, but it´s not the end of the world. Keep Things in Perspective Tell yourself: “Okay, so I got rejected this time.Maybe next time l´II get a ´yes.´ “ Think about what you´re good at and what´s goodabout you. Remember times when you´ve been accepted,when someone told you “yes.” Think of all the people wholike you and support you. Give yourself credit[赞扬] for trying. You took arisk-good for you. Remind yourself that you can handlethe rejection. Even though you were turned down now,there will be another opportunity, another time. Getphilosophical[达观的]: Sometimes things happen forreasons we don´t always understand. Use Rejection to Your Advantage A rejection is a chance to consider if there are thingswe can work on. Think about whether there´s room forimprovement or if your goals were higher than your skills. If your skills weren´t strong enough this time, maybeyou need to work on your game, your studies, orwhatever it takes to improve your chances of gettingaccepted next time. Use the rejection as an opportunity forself-improvement. Sometimes a rejection is a hard realitycheck[提醒人面对现实的事件] But if you approach[手处理] it right,it could help nudge[轻推] you in a direction that turns out tobe the perfect fit for your talents, personality, and all thegreat things that make you who you are. 哈利‘波特曾经被拒绝，贝拉和爱德华也一样。如果作家J(K(罗琳和斯蒂芬妮?梅 尔不试着联系一家又一家的出版社，我们就会错过几段精彩的大冒险。 人生在世，总要有所追求。在追求的过程中，被拒绝是常有的事。 被拒绝的不一定是大事，如没考进顶尖大学或没有被邀请参加舞会。日常生活也可以 让人产生被拒绝的感觉，比如你讲的笑话没能引起笑声，吃午饭时没有人记得帮你留位，或 者你很喜欢的人跟所有人聊天，就是不理你之类的。 然而被拒绝不代表一个人不受欢迎、不被重视或不重要。这只说明就此一次，你与某 人在某一种情况下进展得不顺利罢了。 虽然被拒绝并不好受，但这是无法避免的。过于害怕被拒绝的人也许会对他们追求的 事物戛然止步。没错，他们避免了被拒绝，但这样做必定会错过他们所追求、但没有尝试去 获得的东西。 被拒绝之后，我们处理得越妥当，它对我们的影响就越小。怎样培养应对能力呢,以下是一些建议: 诚实面对 妥善处理被拒绝要从两件事情着手:你的感受和你的想法。 让我们先从感受开始:如果被拒绝了，就向自己承认这个事实吧。不要对伤痛置之不理或假装若无其事。不要想“我不应该有这种感觉”，在你的处境下，有这样的感觉是很正常的。 留心观察你的受挫感有多强烈。这次被拒绝让你非常难过吗,或者只有一点点不快,如果想哭就哭吧——这是一种释放情绪的自然方法。 接着说出你的感觉。例如: “校园剧没有选上我，我真的很失望。我很渴望得到角色，也很努力去尝试。我觉得自己被落下了，因为朋友们都选上了，唯独我没有。” 告诉别人发生了什么事情以及自己的感受吧，如果你希望这样做的话。向那些愿意聆听并支持你的人倾诉一下。 保持乐观 在面对被拒绝这类痛苦的情感时，人们很容易陷入消极状态。但老想着消极的事情就像让人一次又一次地经历伤心事。这不仅难受，也令人更难摆脱被拒绝的困境。 所以承认自己的真实感受吧，但不要老想着它。避免整天谈论或想起这件事情。为什么,因为消极的想法会影响我们的预期以及行动。这样当然会打击人们再次尝试(的热情)。 聆听自己的心声 接下来要看看你的想法:想一下你是如何向自己解释这次被拒绝的事实的。你是否对自己太过严厉,有“为什么会这样,”的想法很正常。在向自己作出解释时，注意只讲事实。 告诉自己: “我邀请别人去舞会但被拒绝了，因为那个人不想跟我去。”别对自己说: “我被拒绝是因为我不够吸引力”或“我真失败”。这些都不是事实。这类贬低性想法一旦开始钻进你的脑袋，要马上把它们扑灭。 自责或贬低性的想法会夸大我们的缺点，让我们相信那些不真实的事情。如果由于被拒绝而开始责备或贬低自己，你可能会觉得自己永远都会被拒绝。像“永远没有人会和我约会”或“没有人会喜欢我”等想法将一次普通的拒绝放大到灾难性的层面。被拒绝不好受，也可能让人失望透顶，但这不是世界末日。 正确对待事物 对自己说: “好吧，这次我被拒绝了，也许下一次我会得到肯定的答案呢。” 想想你擅长的东西和自己的优点。回想别人接受你、对你说“好的”时的情景。想想喜欢并支持你的人。 表扬自己曾经尝试过。你作出过尝试——好样的。提醒自己你能够直面拒绝。虽然现在被拒绝了，但还有另一个机会，下一次时机。达观一点:有些事情就是特别莫名其妙。 变劣势为优势 被拒绝是一个机会，让我们思考是否要采取一些措施。想想是否有进步的空间，或者你的目标是否超出你的能力。 如果这次你的能力不足，也许你要在比赛、学习或任何有助于下次成功的事情上加把劲。将被拒绝当成是自我提升的机会。 有时候，被拒绝就是让人面对现实的残酷警钟。但如果你处理得当，它能帮你找到一个新的方向，你也许会发现这个方向最适合发展自己的才能、个性以及各种长处。