英语幽默故事

Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest‟s plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied theboy. 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这 家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪 放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说:“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你 妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪,” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。好客 hospitality n.[U] 1. 好客;殷勤招待 Many thanks for the hospitality you showed me. 非常感谢你对我的款待。 The natives are noted for their hospitality. 当地人以好客著称。 2. (对新思想等的)接受能力,理解力 apologize 1. 道歉，表示歉意;认错，谢罪: 例句:She apologized for accusing him falsely. 翻译:她为错误地咒骂他而道歉。 2. (以口头或书面形式)辩护，辩解: 例句:to apologize for oneself. 翻译:为自己辩护。 The Raise Employee : I‟ve been here for 11 years doing three men‟s work for one man‟s pay. Now I want a raise. Boss : Well, I can‟t give you a raise, but if you‟ll tell me who the other two men are, I‟ll fire them. 加薪 员工:我在这里 11 年了，做三个人的工作，却只拿一个人的薪水。现在我要 求加薪。 老板:嗯，我不能给你加薪，但如果你能告诉我其他两个人是谁，我会开除他 们。 employee: [ .emplɔi‟i:, im‟plɔii ] n. 雇员 例句与用法: 1. This employee was dismissed for laziness. 这名雇员因为懒惰而被解雇。 2. The boss struck off 100 dollars from the salary of the employee as fine. 老板 从这个雇员的工资里扣除100美元作为罚款。 3. Their situations are now reversed as employee has become employer. 他们双 方的地位转换了, 雇员成了雇主. araise got a raise 加薪 I got a promotion 晋升 Oh , I am in a great mood. I have got a pat raise . 哦，我太高兴了，我加工资了。 他在争取加薪(或升官)。 He is gunning for a rise 我昨天获得晋升。 I got a promotion yesterday 约会 When the young waitress in the café in Tom‟s building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he. One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, "Are you single?" "Why, yes," Tom replied, smiling at her broadly. "So is my mom," she said. "Would you like to meet her?" 约会 在汤姆工作的大楼里有一个咖啡屋，那儿总有一位小姐每天都和他打招呼。汤 姆有些受宠若惊，因为这位小姐看上去至少比他年轻15岁。一天她又对汤姆招 手并示意汤姆过去。 于是汤姆走了过去。她问道，“您现在是单身吗,” “对，是单身，”汤姆满脸堆 笑的说。 “我母亲也是，”她说，“您愿不愿意见见她,” flatter 英[ˈflætə] 美[ˈflætɚ] 过去式:flattered 过去分词:flattered 现在分 词:flattering 1.向…奉承; 阿谀 2.给以愉快的感觉 3.使显得更漂亮;使胜过本人 及物动词 vt. 1.向…奉承; 阿谀 You flatter me immensely! 你太恭维我了～ 2.给以愉快的感觉 The music flattered his ears. 这音乐使他听得很愉快。 3.使显得更漂亮;使胜过本人 Taken for Granted THE SCHOOL HEALTH FORMS had been distributed to the students with an error---the word "Sex" had been spelled with an "o". One mother, filling out the form for her son, wrote in the blank next to "Sox": "Usually brown." 理所当然 某学校发给学生的健康调查表里有个错别字——把“性别”的“性”字写成了“袜”字。一位母亲在为她的儿子填写表格时，在“袜别”的那栏填上了:“棕色为主。” distribute 英[„distri‟bju:t]美[„distri‟bju:t] v.[T] 1.[~ sth (to/among sb/sth)] 分发、分配某事物 2.使(某物)散开，散布，分散放置 n. 1.[C, U] 分发，分配，分送 2.分布 时 态:distributed,distributing,distributes 名 词:distributor 同反义词 同: [v.] deal, give out, pass around, 反: [v.] collect, garner, gather, pull 词义辨析 assign，distribute，divide，allocate 这些动词均含“分配，分发”之意。 指按照某种原则进行的硬性分配，也不一定是很公平的。 通常指以整体或定量分为若干份来分配。 普通用词，侧重将某物分成若干份分配给他人，当某物一分为二时，含平均分配之意。 主要指金钱、财产、权力或领土等的分配，着重分配的比例和专门用途。 Class and Ass Professor Laurie of Glasgow put his notice on his door: "Professor Laurie will not meet his classes today." A student, after reading the notice, rubbed out the "c". Later Professor Laurie came along, and entering into the spirit of the joke, rubbed out the "l". 班和笨驴 格拉斯哥的劳里教授在门上贴了这样一个通知:“劳里教授今天不见他的班 级。” 一个学生读了通知后，擦掉了字母“c”(lass:姑娘)。 后来劳里教授来了，也想开开玩笑，他擦掉了字母“l”(ass:笨驴)。 rub 英[rʌb]美[rʌb] v.[T] 1.擦;搓;揉 2.涂;抹;搽 3.(使)相互磨擦;搓 4.磨光;擦亮 5.触痛;惹恼 6.擦掉;磨去;使减色(常与out，off或away连用) 7.拓印(碑文等) v.[I,T] 1.接触;摩擦 v.[I] 1.揉;按摩 2.互相摩擦 3.被擦掉(常与off或out连用) 4.使人恼火 n. 1.摩擦;按摩 2.磨损处;擦痛处 3.阻碍;困难 4.伤感情的事情(如嘲弄、指责等) 时 态:rubbed,rubbing,rubs 名 词:rubber 同反义词 同: [n.] hang-up, hitch, snag, [v.] , , , Plagiarism A friend of mine who teachs European history at Washington University in St. Louis tell about the time he spotted a plagiarized term paper. He summoned the student to his office. "This isn‟t your work." he said. "Someone typed it for you straight out of the encyclopedia. "You cann‟t prove that!" the student sputtered. My friend amiled and show him the paper. Circled in red was: "Also see article on communism." 抄 袭 我有个朋友在圣路易斯的华盛顿大学教欧洲历史，他说有一次他发现了一篇抄 袭的学期论文。他把那个学生叫到了办公室。“这不是你写的，”他说，“有人帮 你从百科全书上原封不动地打印了下来。” “你没有证据。”那学生气急败坏地说。 我朋友笑了，他把论文拿给他看。用红笔圈出来的是:“也可参阅共产主义一 文。” plagiarism 英[„pleidʒjərizm]美[„pleidʒjərizm] n.[U] 剽窃，剽窃物 名 词:pla‟giarist 形容词:pla‟giaris‟tic 同反义词 同: [n.] piracy, plagiarisation, 参考例句 1. The author bristled at the suggestion of plagiarism. 那个作家被抄袭的建议激怒了 Virtue Many years after receiving my graduate degree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member. One day in a crowded elevator, someone remarked on its inefficiency. I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student. When the door finally opened, I felt a compassionate pat on my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me. "You‟ll get that degree, dear," she whispered. "Perseverance is a virtue." 美 德 获取研究生学位多年以后，我回到位于宾翰顿的纽约州立大学当教员。一天， 电梯里很拥挤，有人抱怨电梯效率太低。我说自我在那里当学生起，20年来电 梯一直没有换过。 最后当电梯门打开时，我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了一下，回过头来我看到一位年长的修女正在朝我微笑。“你会拿到学位的，亲爱的，”她低声说道:“坚持不懈是一种美德。” virtue 英[„və:tju:]美[„və:tju:] n. 1.高尚的品德;正直的品行 2.美德;德行 3.【古】(女子的)贞操 4.优点 5.(内在的)功效 6.[Virtues]【宗】道德天使 7.【古】男子气概，风度 同反义词 同: [n.] merit, moral excellence, sexual morality, 反: [n.] demerit, fault 词义辨析 virtue，perfection merit， 这些名词均可表示“优点，长处”之意。 指有值得赞扬的优点，但不一定是出类拔萃。 指人或物的优点长处，指人的美德。 指达到了理想或完美的程度 Difference "I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles. "When I say, „Good afternoon,‟ the undergraduates respond, „Good afternoon." But the graduate students just write it down." 区 别 “研究生班和本科生很容易就能区别开来，”在洛杉矶加利福利亚州立大学给我们研究生上工程学课的老师如此说。“我说,下午好‟，本科生们回答说,下午好‟。研究生们则把我说的话记在笔记本上。” graduate 英[„grædʒueit]美[grædʒʊit] n. 1.[graduate (in sth)]有学位(尤指学士学位)的人;大学毕业生 2.毕业生[作定语](a graduate nurse) v. 1.[I][graduate (in sth) (at/from sth)] (学完一学位课程)毕业;【美】(学完一教育课程)毕业 2.[T][graduate sb (from sth)]【美】授予某人学位、毕业文凭等 3.[T][尤用于被动语态]将(某事物)分成等级或阶段 4.[T][尤用于被动语态][graduate sth (in/into sth)]给某物划分度数 5.[I][graduate (from sth) to sth]【褒】进步，进展，进而做较难或较重要之事 时 态:graduated,graduating,graduates 名 词:grad‟ua‟tor 同反义词 同: [v.] calibrate, fine-tune [n.] , , , [a.] Speeding A speeding motorist was waved down by a police patrol car. “I‟m going to give you a ticket for spe eding,” said the policeman, writing his note. “You‟ve been driving over 60 miles per hour.” “Would you mind making it 100, officer?” was the reply. “You see, I‟m going to sell the car.” 超速行驶 一名超速行驶的驾驶员被巡逻警车拦住后，警察一边做记录，一边说:“我要给你开一张超 速罚单，因为你刚才的车速已经超过了60英里。” “警官，请你把时速写为100英里好吗,你知道，我正要打算卖这辆车。” speed 英[spi:d]美[spi:d] n. 1.[C]速度，迅速，速率 2.[U] 速度，迅速，速率，[俚]脱氧麻黄碱(一种强兴奋剂) v.[T] 快速运送，促进，使加速 v.[I] 快行，加速，超速，快进 时 态:sped,speeded,speeding,speeds 同反义词 同: [n.] f number, fastness, hurrying, [v.] , , , 反: [v.] dawdle, decelerate, linger, slow 词义辨析 haste，speed，hurry，dispatch 这些名词均含“迅速，急速”之意。 中性词，用作褒义指动作迅速，事情做得又快又好;作贬义用时，指做事急躁，行为鲁莽，得不到预期的结果。 多用于褒义，指行动敏捷快速，效果好。 指急速从事某项活动或匆忙对付一件事情，含明显慌乱的意味。 指迅速、敏捷地结事某事，强调敏捷和及时。 New Discovery A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator. Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I shouldhave brought my wife!" 新发现 一个乡下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走进一座大楼，看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上，有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿，门开了，电梯里走出一位年青漂亮 的女模特。 乡下人惊奇地眨着眼睛，慢吞吞地说:“我应该把我的老婆带来!” discover 英[dis‟kʌvə]美[dis‟kʌvə] v. 1.[T]发现(某地、某事等) 2.[T](出乎意料地)发现、碰见或撞见(某人、某事物) 3.[T]了解到，认识到，发觉(某事物) 时 态:discovered,discovering,discovers 名 词:discov‟erer 形容词:discov‟erable 同反义词 同: [v.] come across, detect, find, find 词义辨析 discover，find，detect，ascertain 这些动词均有“发现”之意。 普通用词，指发现本来存在，但示被认识的事物、真理或情况。 普通用词，可指偶然发现，也可指经过寻找后得到或重新获得已失去的东西。强调动作的结果。 正式用词，强调经过周密观察或研究而有所获得和发现，尤指发现有意隐藏之物。 较正式用词，指有意搜寻与发现。